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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 10:02 am 
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http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-57562235-71/dad-hires-hit-men-to-kill-sons-video-game-characters/

Dad hires hit men to kill son's video game characters

A father is so fed up with his son's video game obsession that he decides to take radical action.

Some fathers are overbearing. Some, however, decide that enforcing parental law requires radical action. Such as hiring an assassin. It does seem extreme. But a certain Mr. Feng of China might offer mitigating circumstances.

His son was allegedly being terribly disobedient and the assassins were hired merely to murder Feng Jr.'s video game character. As Kotaku retells it, Feng Jr. was not doing well at school. He also failed to find employment. However, he reportedly considered himself a video game king. If you're going to topple a king, you have to chop off his head. So Feng Sr. hired several gamers who were game to kill the king. Virtually, of course.

The idea was that if these players could continually smite Feng Jr.'s characters, he would get bored, rise from his seat, leave his cocoon, and, you know, get a job.

The tale (which smacks of being slightly tall) has a vaguely uplifting conclusion.

Jr. didn't quit playing. He reportedly turned to dad and said: "I can play or I can not play, it doesn't bother me. I'm not looking for any job -- I want to take some time to find one that suits me."

There is no record of whether they hugged it out or slugged it out.

Dad claims to have been relieved to hear his son's words. But perhaps the assassins still lurk, ready for any incursion by Jr.

Some will consider Dad's actions to have been merely the frustrations of a caring parent.

In my role as life coach to the tech world, I, though, seek progress.

It seems clear to me that Feng Jr. should set up a business in which he offers to assassinate video game characters of kids who aren't doing their homework or getting jobs.

This is clearly a service that has potential.

As a result, he will have a worthwhile job, while remaining the king of gaming. Meanwhile, his dad can proudly tell his friends how much money Jr. is making.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 10:04 am 
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I'd pay good money if bigfan would kill some accounts here.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 11:05 am 
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Boilermaker Rick wrote:
I'd pay good money if bigfan would kill some accounts here.


The outrage would be incredible. I mean look at what happened when Free Ajent was dismissed and some of his (alleged) friends didnt even like him.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 11:24 am 
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I used to be the computer guy at a library. Despite having to serve the whole library, politics dictated that I was stationed in the Youth Services dept (the head of the library evidently had an affair with the old head of the library when the job was created. notch. I never met the guy but his legendary quote regarding the circulation department was that "a trained dog could do that job" =)

There was a kid named Sean who was your prototypical latchkey kid who would come over everyday after he got off of school and spend a few hours here waiting for his mom to get off of work. Since he was there every day he used to spend his 2hrs in the computer lab, and he learned to get there quick before other kids could get the computers before him. Runescape was "in" amongst the kids, it was basically an early MMORPG played over flash/web/site/whatever and Sean had all kinds of crazy experience and items and, you know, he fucking LOVED IT when kids would hang out in awe of his mundane videogame achievements.

Welp as time went on he got more and more comfortable with us, and when we were kind of like "hey sean..." when he started printing out 30-50 pages worth of internet stuff per day (there wasn't even a "suggested donation" thingy for printers back then) he decided to start fucking around with us by doing things like, say, stealing all of the mouseballs from our PAC (public access catalogue) comptuers. It got to the point where my boss had to buy like 30 super-cheap mouses and then glue the latches on the bottom, which made it a real pain in the ass when the lint and dirt would build up on the rollers... essentially we had to turn those cheap mouses into disposable ones.

Eventually his attitude and "fuck these guys"ishness got to the point where something had to be done. I BackOrificed the shit out of the comptuers in the lab (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Back_Orifice) and had the keyloggers running full steam just waiting for dipshit to take the bait. Aside from the fun ability to remotely close programs and pop up dialog boxes with custom messages ("Uh, I'm getting messages from God on my computer" me: "I think you're going to have to see a priest about that one. Tell you what we get slow on friday nights so I'll schedule an exorcism then") the paydirt was finding out his password for RuneScape, which we've established to be his sense of pride and admiration amongst the younger kids who looked up to his high levels, gold, and items. The password, btw, was "dbzrulesass"

So I bided my time waiting for a day when there were a bunch of kids in the lab and then I dropped the hammer: I killed his browser process, popped on mine logged in as him and locked him out of his account, and then proceeded to start dropping all of his items and gold and everything I could do to terrorize his account. To stall him I sent a job to all of the printers in the lab to start spitting out ~50 pages each of a cheat sheet with all of his online information / passwords, including the revelation that his runescape password was "dbzrulesass" and the younger kids grabbed a sheet and started laughing and he was all NOOOOO and running back and forth trying to grab all of the copies flying out of the printers before anyone else could see them.

When he eventually came to me he was in tears.... what the hell is this!??! I had changed his pw back to "dbzrulesass" and, as he demanded answers, I just kind of pseudo-enigmatically said "don't steal our mouseballs." He ran outside vowing revenge and whatnot.

From that point on, he learned some respect and he never would fuck with our mouseballs or display his famous attitude again. He was just another kid in the lab, and I think eventually he must have gotten the keys to go straight home after school cuz he stopped coming in. C'est la vie.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 11:34 am 
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What a charming vignette about the person who in all likelihood will eventually kill you.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 11:41 am 
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Telegram Sam wrote:
What a charming vignette about the person who in all likelihood will eventually kill you.


no way, not sean... he was like ~14-15 or something when all this went on... he was OK, you can tell in this one place in the world he was a badass to a bunch of ~12 year old kids and enjoyed the prestige. there was this little kid named raam who would straightup start beating the computer monitors when he lost at a game... that's the one i'd worry about.

that or the one homeless guy who showed up one day with a garbage bag chock full of like ~20+ beers and sat right in the middle of the kids' play-area and started plowing em back staring at all of the little girls. that one was awesome... you haven't lived until you've seen ~60-70+ yr old granny librarian archetypes running at full speed.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 9:58 pm 
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I'm not sure what I just read. All I remember was mouseballs.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 10:25 pm 
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He didn't get a key, Sini. He started selling meth to school kids.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 12:47 pm 
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bigfan wrote:
Boilermaker Rick wrote:
I'd pay good money if bigfan would kill some accounts here.


The outrage would be incredible. I mean look at what happened when Free Ajent was dismissed and some of his (alleged) friends didnt even like him.

:roll: :roll:

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 12:54 pm 
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Colonel Angus wrote:
He didn't get a key, Sini. He started selling meth to school kids.


I wish there was a way (short of actually looking them up on facebook) of getting a "where are they now?" type documentary of all the regular kids i used to deal with on a daily basis throughout my ~8 years there.

there was a family with three sisters who were the human equivalent of cartoon characters. the oldest girl was kind of tweedle-dumb, the middle one was like fairly normal, the daria of the family if you will, and the little girl had this poofy jewfro and naivete born of pure corn-fed-american-child-of-the-90s-spaz.

she once asked me what my name was and i told her "rodrigo." for the next ~6 years or whatever, she would refer to me as "rodrigo" without the slightest hint of humor, sarcasm, or wit. she's either a comedic mastermind or prone to go "OMFG IT'S RODRIGO!" if i run into her again =D

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