Monsoon: Welcome everyone to One Night Only! I'm Gorilla Monsoon along with my broadcast partner Jesse "The Body" Ventura and we are coming to you live from Katie O'Connor's tonight and boy do we have some great matches for you tonight.
Ventura: That's right Gorilla. All 4 titles will be up for grabs tonight, and we have a special grudge match that will open up our show tonight. Anything to add Geno?
Monsoon: One thing Jess. Did you see those two guys over at the bar? That one man's cranial cavity is enormous!
Ventura: Stop trolling for dates Monsoon. It's time for action.
GRUDGE MATCH: Chas vs. Baby McNownReferee Reents makes a quick check for foreign objects on Chas, then calls for the opening bell. Baby McNown rushes across the ring, darting at Chas’ feet. Chas side steps, then stomps at Baby McNown’ face, but Baby McNown moves out of the way. Spinning heel kick from Chas meets nothing as Baby McNown moves out of the way. Cannonball back senton from Baby McNown, but no water in the pool. Chas up and he goes for a double stomp. Baby McNown rolls. Chas double stomps a second time, Baby McNown rolls. Baby McNown is now under the bottom rope. He pulls himself to his feet on the ring apron.
Monsoon: Lots of swing and misses in the early going.
Ventura: Kinda like their posts.
Monsoon: Huh?
Ventura: Huh?
Front chancery from Chas on Baby McNown. He’s trying to suplex Baby McNown into the ring. Baby McNown hooks a front chancery of his own on Chas. Chas lifts Baby McNown off the apron, but Baby McNown gets his feet back to the apron without going up and over. Chas strains again, but he’s reversed, and this time, he goes up. Except Chas goes up and over, both men sailing all the way to the arena floor! Chas’s legs bang off the ringside rail violently as both men crash in a heap. Chas is reeling in pain on the floor. Baby McNown is up from his own hand landing, holding his hip, but on the attack. Baby McNown stomps at Chas, Chas just trying to get the feeling into his legs. Baby McNown puts both of Chas’s legs up on the rail, then jumps and drives his own butt into Chas’s knees. Chas rolls away in agony. Baby McNown quick on the attack, kicking him in the spine. Chas gets to his feet. Baby McNown grabs him by the head and leads him around ringside, getting him to the open area near the ramp, then whipping him down and into the steel ring steps. Chas is smart enough to turn and take it with his back instead of his knees. Baby McNown gets into the ring, breaking the referee’s ten count.
Monsoon: I didn’t even notice that Reents was counting them out.
Ventura: That’s cause you have your lips on that banana.
Monsoon: Do you want a bite?
Ventura: SIGH…
Baby McNown goes to the ring apron. Chas is slow to recover. Baby McNown dives off the ring apron with a double axe handle, but Chas catches him in the gut on the way down with a forearm, causing Baby McNown to flip before crashing to the floor. Chas is offensive now, and he’s rearranging furniture. He pulls the ring steps out. Baby McNown is slow to his feet. Chas leads him up the steps. Baby McNown is beating Chas off. Both men standing on the steps now. Baby McNown steps up to the top. Chas with a knee to the gut. He’s trying for a piledriver, off the steps. Chas jerks at Baby McNown but he can’t get him up. Baby McNown with a reversal, back dropping Chas up and over, and down onto the solid unforgiving steel steps.
Ventura: Chas’ spine just bent in a way a spine is not designed to bend.
Monsoon: That was absolutely disgusting.
Baby McNown now the first into the ring to break the count. He stands in the ring, counting along with Reents. One, two, three. Chas is stirring, four, five, six. Chas is to his knees on the floor. Seven, eight. He’s up to the ring apron. Baby McNown forearms him off and back to the floor. Reents starts his count over, much to the frustration of Baby McNown.
Monsoon: Baby McNown really thought he was going to get a count out victory that way?
Ventura: Why not? Chas hasn’t made it into the ring yet.
Monsoon: Because he got knocked back outside!
Ventura: Details, details….
Baby McNown is now back to the floor. He grabs Chas and rolls him into the ring. Baby McNown back into the ring, climbing between the ropes. Chas up to his feet and he kicks the middle rope into Baby McNown’ groin. Chas drags Baby McNown so his one leg is all that’s left on the ropes and he’s hanging vertically, then drops him with a DDT. Chas with the first cover of the match on Baby McNown. Referee Reents down for the count, 1.…2.… kick out at two from Baby McNown. Chas drags Baby McNown to a vertical base, clutching his wrist and putting him up in a torture rack position.
Monsoon: He’s going for the Brown Genocide.
Ventura: If Chas hits this, he’ll stick a finger in Baby McNown!
Monsoon: ……
Baby McNown throws a brutal elbow straight down into Chas’s face. A second and Chas fumbles Baby McNown. Baby McNown, now completely free, darts into the far ropes. Baby McNown back at Chas. Chas spinning kicks him in the stomach. Vertical leap from Chas and he stomps Baby McNown’ head. Chas drags Baby McNown to a vertical base again. Baby McNown throwing forearm strikes with no accuracy, not entirely aware of where he is. Chas goes for the Brown Genocide again, Baby McNown elbowing out of it again. This time, when Baby McNown reaches the canvas, he drives his knee into the stomach of Chas. Baby McNown stuffs Chas, going for a power bomb. Chas with a go behind, his head still between Baby McNown’ legs. Chas lifts Baby McNown up into an electric chair position. Baby McNown is reaching down to fight out of it. Chas grabs Baby McNown left arm with his right, Baby McNown right arm with his left, and pulls down, driving Baby McNown head first into the canvas!
Monsoon: There it is! That’s the Grammer Chek!
Ventura: McNown’s lights have been dimmed.
Chas with a cover. Referee’s hand comes down for one, two, and three. The bell sounds.
WINNER: Chas
CSFMBWA InterWebs Championship Match: Krazy Ivan (c) vs. Kid Cairo Jeff Eaglo raises the CSFMBWA InterWebs title high above head for all to see. He hands it to the outside and calls for the bell. This match is under way. Both men circle around the ring. Ivan lunges forward, going for a trip takedown, but gets no catch on Kid Cairo.
Monsoon: From a straight up catch as catch can wrestling stand point, it’s going to be near impossible for Krazy Ivan to out wrestle Kid Cairo. Krazy Ivan is going to need to rely on his strikes and his speed if he wants to retain the championship tonight.
Krazy Ivan calls for a test of strength. OKC walks forwards, acting like he’s going to lock up, but boots Krazy Ivan in the gut. Side headlock from Kid Cairo. Ivan whips OKC into the ropes. OKC back at Ivan. Ivan with a drop down, OKC with the jump up and over and into the far ropes. OKC back at Ivan, Ivan with the leapfrog. OKC continues running, bouncing off the ropes and running back at Krazy Ivan. Ivan goes for a dropkick. OKC stops on a dime and Ivan hits nothing.
Ventura: Krazy Ivan tried to just get in Kid Cairo’s head a bit, but it seems OKC knew the trick.
Monsoon: OKC knows EVERY trick. These guys are best friends. They know each other inside and out.
Ventura: PHRASING!
OKC grabs Krazy Ivan’s feet. Ivan tries to scurry away on his back. OKC has the legs hooked. OKC tries to apply his Auto Tap but Krazy Ivan keeps scooting backwards to avoid the application of the hold. Ivan throws his feet over the shoulders of Kid Cairo. Ivan with an up kick to the face of OKC. Ivan goes for a second, OKC bobs his head. OKC turns Krazy Ivan over, readjusting the legs to his liking and locking Krazy Ivan in a Cassie Crab. Krazy Ivan is trapped and trying to get to the ropes. Ivan realizes there’s no way he can get to the ropes. He rolls his hips to the left, then the right, then the left. He’s able to take OKC off of his feet. Krazy Ivan stands up, hooking OKC’s legs and putting OKC in a pin position. Referee Jeff Eaglo down for the count, 1.…2.… OKC rolls Ivan over into a victory roll pinning position, 1.….2.… Krazy Ivan flips it back to the original pin position, 1.….2.…. OKC flips it back over. Count of one from Jeff Eaglo.
Monsoon: Series of near falls there Jess.
Ventura: Jeff should be wishing he got paid per count.
Monsoon: Waitaminute. You guys get paid?!
Ventura: No time for that Gorilla. Back to the action.
Krazy Ivan flips it over, bridging to his feet. He still has OKC’s legs hooked. Ivan turns around, using his leg hook from the ankles to the buttocks, lifting OKC up. Ivan drops OKC with a Pudding Popper! Krazy Ivan with a cover now, Jeff Eaglo down for the count, 1.…2.… kick out from OKC. Kid Cairo slowly gets to his hands and knees. Krazy Ivan steps up to the back of OKC, then drops down with an elevated standing senton. Ivan is back to his feet. He stomps Kid Cairo, then goes to the corner. Krazy Ivan scales the top rope. OKC scrambles back to his feet and hits the ropes. Krazy Ivan loses his balance and crotches himself on the top turnbuckle. Kid Cairo stalks after Ivan on the buckle. OKC climbs to the second rope. He grabs Krazy Ivan by the head. Ivan tries to fight off OKC. A blow to the ribs stops the offense of Krazy Ivan. OKC pulls Krazy Ivan to his feet on the top rope. OKC hooks the inside leg of Ivan, then brings him off the top rope with a super fisherman’s suplex.
Ventura: A fisherman’s superplex! What a move!
Monsoon: And if you notice, OKC positioned himself so he was only coming off the second rope, not to top. Krazy Ivan takes all of the force that way, while OKC does very little damage to himself.
OKC slowly crawls over and makes the cover on Krazy Ivan. Referee Jeff Eaglo down for the count, 1.…2.… kick out at two from Ivan and the crowd come alive. OKC gets to his feet. He’s going for another leg submission. Krazy Ivan leans up and catches OKC in a small package. Referee Jeff Eaglo down for the count, 1.…2.… OKC rolls the small package over. 1.….2.… Krazy Ivan rolls it back. 1.….2.… OKC with the reversal. 1.….2.… The small package is broken. Both men are to their feet. They both run at each other. Both go for clotheslines and both go down!
Monsoon: Double clothesline in the center of the ring and both men are down!
Ventura: Both guys had the same things in mind and it resulted in a brutal in ring collision.
Both men are down. Referee Jeff Eaglo starts a standing five count. 1.…2.…3.… both men are stirring, to their hands and knees. OKC is the first up. Ivan to his feet. OKC with a high right hand swing. Krazy Ivan blocks it. OKC with a boot to the gut. Ivan catches it. Ivan with a single leg trip and he takes Kid Cairo off his feet. Still with the leg captured, Ivan laces his own leg between Kid’s and turns Kid over.
Monsoon: Samoanshooter from Krazy Ivan!
OKC scrambles and easily makes it to the ropes. Jeff Eaglo starts the count to break the hold. 1.….2.….3.…4.… Ivan finally breaks the hold. OKC scrambles back to his feet. Krazy Ivan grabs him in a side headlock and takes him back to the mat with a side headlock takeover. OKC with a nip up, escaping the headlock with ease. Both men back to a vertical base with their hands up. The crowd gives a round of applause for the stand off. Krazy Ivan circles around. Kid tries to lock up. Krazy Ivan kicks OKC’s hand. Roundhouse kick to the ribs of Kid Cairo. Spin kick from Krazy Ivan to OKC’s stomach. Forearm from Ivan followed up by a knee lift. OKC is backing up. Ivan charges forward with a series of palm strike swings, OKC putting his head through the ropes to get a break. Jeff Eaglo makes OKC get out of the ropes. Krazy Ivan takes a head kick attempt, OKC brings his head back. OKC rushes Krazy Ivan and takes him to the mat, Ivan grabbing OKC on the way to the mat in a guillotine choke. OKC doesn’t even realize he’s been caught, until they hit the mat.
Monsoon: Choke That Bitch! OKC put his own head right into that!
Ventura: He was going for the takedown, presumably going back to what he knows, getting the mat grounded and working the submission. But I guess he wasn’t expecting a choke out from that position.
OKC is stuck pretty tight. He’s trying to get his hands inside of the chokehold to get himself some oxygen. Krazy Ivan wraps his legs around the waist of Kid Cairo.
Ventura: The legs being laced on that makes the choke more effective because it squeezes the lungs, further depleting the brain of oxygen.
OKC abandons trying to get his hands inside, instead just punching at Krazy Ivan. His blows start off strong, but quickly slide to weak. Krazy Ivan is rocking back and forth, really digging in with the choke. OKC’s punches stop entirely. His arms go limp. Jeff Eaglo raises the arm once, it drops. A second time. It drops. A third time. And Kid Cairo has been choked out. Jeff Eaglo calls for the bell.
WINNER and still CHAMPION: Krazy Ivan
CSFMBWA Intercontinental Championship Match: Jackref (c) w/Houston Homer vs. OCM Monsoon: Bell sounds and this one is under way. It is for the CSFMBWA Intercontinental title.
OCM makes his way to the center of the ring. Jackref walks out. OCM raises his hands for a test of strength. Jackref grabs him by his nose and drags him into the corner, slamming OCM’s face into the turnbuckle, using OCM’s nose as his only means to guide him. OCM turns around in the corner, clutching at his nose, and Jackref proceeds to open up on his mid-section with a flurry of punches. OCM drops to his butt in the corner and Jackref continues his assault with brutal stomps. Jackref hooks OCM under both arm pits and pulls him back to a vertical base, then hits him right between the eyes with a brutal head butt.
Ventura: That was horrible! It sounded like two concrete blocks smashing together!
OCM is busted wide open, a stream of blood rolling down his face from where he was head butted. Jackref grabs him by the wrist and sends him across the ring for an Irish Whip, but rather than releasing him and letting him run across the ring, Jackref holds on and OCM crashes violently and awkwardly to the mat. Jackref puts OCM’s hand to the canvas, then drops a leg across the arm.
Monsoon: Jackref is tearing this young man apart.
Jackref is back to his feet. He’s waiting for OCM to get up. OCM slowly does, to his two knees, and Jackref kicks him square in the bloody face.
Monsoon: Jesus! He kicked him in the face! You don’t dragon kick people in the face!
Jackref down for a cover, referee Reents into position to make the count, 1...2.… Jackref pulls OCM up at two. Jackref hooks OCM by the neck, pulling him to his feet with a modified three fourths chancery, then releases to hook an arm in as well. He raises OCM up and over, driving him into the mat with an arm trapped fisherman’s suplex, with a momentary bridge but not one long enough for referee Reents to even make a count of one.
Monsoon: He used to call that move The Blackfishbuster, but then again, he also didn’t use to trap the arm with it. It makes the move as a whole considerably more dangerous.
Ventura: No doubt. On a normal fisherman’s suplex, or Perfect Plex, you can at least brace yourself a bit with your hands on landing. With this, it’s all shoulders and back taking the blow.
Jackref stands up, going to the corner and screaming at a front row fan. Absolutely berating the fan, to the point that referee Reents must step in and get Jackref’s attention back on the match. OCM is rising to his feet again. Jackref approaches him, but yells at the fan again. When referee Reents and OCM both turn to see why Jackref is yelling, Jackref raises his foot and kicks OCM right in the balls.
Ventura: Field goal kick to the stones, and it’s good!
Monsoon: That was absolutely unnecessary! OCM hasn’t thrown a punch in this contest so far, why did Jackref have to resort to a low blow?
Ventura: I don’t think he had to, per say, but wanted to.
OCM crumbles, Jackref catches him on his way down to the mat. Jackref stuffs OCM’s head in piledriver position, double underhooking the arms, lifting him into the air, and driving his head into the canvas.
Monsoon: Waking the Dragon!
Ventura: That’s disgusting Monsoon!
Monsoon: WILL YOU STOP!
Jackref pushes OCM flat to the canvas, OCM limp, and clutching his testicles. Jackref makes a cover. Referee Reents down for the count, 1.…2.…3. The bell sounds. Jackref gets to his feet. He raises his foot up and drives a stomp straight down on the testicles of OCM. Reents backs him away as OCM rolls around in agony. Reents tries to raise Jackref’s hand, but Jackref is having none of it, taking a powder to the outside and making his way towards the backstage with his Homer and his belt.
WINNER and STILL CHAMPION: Jackref
CSFMBWA Heavyweight Championship Match: Terry Speeps (c) vs. Hank Scorpio The bell sounds and the match is under way. Circle around the ring. Terry Speeps with a leg kick on Hank Scorpio when Hank requests a test of strength, wanting no part of whatever Speeps has up his sleeve. Hank draws back and kicks Speeps back. Speeps throws another leg kick, this time to the thigh. Hank throws a kick. Speeps throws another kick, but this time, Hank clips the leg and Terry Speeps crashes to his back. Speeps is lying on his back. Hank hovers, going for the offense but Terry Speeps is up kicking. The first misses. The second catches Hank Scorpio in the chest. Hank tries to shake it off, rushing in and catching another kick to the chest. Hank shakes his head no, then raises his foot, stomping straight down at Speeps’ chest. Speeps rolls out of the way, then single leg trips Hank, taking him to the mat with an ankle trip. Speeps is trying for an ankle lock early on Hank. Hank raises his free foot and kicks Speeps in the face. It’s enough to stun Terry Speeps, but not break the hold. Terry Speeps is still twisting. Hank Scorpio kicks him in the face again. Terry Speeps flips over and stands up, switching from an ankle lock to a standing leg lock. He puts his own leg between Hank Scorpio’s legs, then drops back down, now locking Hank in a figure four leg lock.
Monsoon: Terry Speeps’ submission transitions are second to none Jess.
Ventura: Glad to see you giving the champ credit Gorilla.
Referee Jeff Eaglo is down asking Hank if he submits. Hank says no. He sits up in the figure four leg lock and punches Speeps in the face. Terry Speeps swings a punch of his own, Hank Scorpio ducks and then punches Terry Speeps again. Speeps swings a second time, but the result is the same, a Hank duck and a punch. Speeps nails a punch finally. Hank leans up and grabs a cravate, the crowd booing viciously. Speeps has a figure four locked in, Hank has a cravate. Referee Jeff Eaglo is asking both men if they submit. Neither will. Speeps bites down on Hank’s fingers to free himself from the cravate. Hank flips the figure four leg lock over, reversing the pressure, but Speeps quickly escapes from the hold. Both men get back to a vertical base. Hank goes for a clothesline, duck under by Speeps and Hank continues to the ropes. Hank comes back at Speeps. Terry Speeps jumps up for a dropkick. Hank Scorpio stops short. Terry Speeps nips up. Hank Scorpio with a high roundhouse, but a duck from Speeps. Speeps grabs Hank and goes for a hip toss which is blocked by Hank into a standing switch. Hank goes for a hip toss and it’s blocked by Speeps. Punch to the mid section from Speeps. Jump for a rocker dropper, but Hank pulls his head back and Speeps goes crashing to the mat with no contact. Hank with a dragon kick, but Speeps falls flat to his back, then does a roll backwards. He’s standing on his head. He kicks Hank in the face. Hank is trying to do something about Speeps standing on his head. Speeps wraps his legs around Hank’s head and takes over with a modified tilt-a-whirl head scissors.
Ventura: The man just did a head scissors, by standing on his head! Speeps is unbelievable!
Monsoon: Great observation Jess. Terry Speeps does a great deal of things that defy what a human should be able to do.
Both men back to their feet. Hank runs at Terry Speeps. Body slam from Terry Speeps. Hank Scorpio back up and a second body slam. Hank up and he takes a third body slam. Hank scrambles back to his feet and he takes another body slam, rinse and repeat for another body slam. The crowd is now counting along, Hank to his feet. Terry Speeps grabs him and body slams him again for number six. Hank Scorpio stands back up. Terry Speeps is ready for number seven. Hank Scorpio is on rubber legs. Speeps scoops him up, Hank Scorpio shifts his weight and catches Terry Speeps in a small package. Referee Jeff Eaglo down for a count. 1...2.….. Kick out at two from Speeps says the referee.
Monsoon: I think Terry Speeps got carried away there. I mean, a body slam is an effective wear down hold, but what point is there really, to do seven in a row? It almost cost him the match, and the title.
Ventura: I don’t think Hank Scorpio was entirely sure what he did there Geno.
Speeps back to a vertical base far before Hank is. Hank slowly gets to his feet. And when he does, he jumps and catches Terry Speeps with an enziguri out of nowhere. Both men are down, the referee starting a standing five count. The fans count along as the referee counts one… two… three.. four.. And both men are back to their feet. Punch from Hank Scorpio is blocked by Terry Speeps. Punch by Speeps is blocked by Hank. Both men dart at each other and go for clotheslines, resulting in a brutal borderline double decapitation in the center of the ring, and back to the double down stalemate. Referee starts the standing five count once more. At three, Hank’s up. He pulls Terry Speeps to a vertical base in an inverted full nelson. Terry Speeps knows what’s coming and wriggles free. Boot to the gut from Hank and a lift into the same inverted full nelson position, now a raised variation. Speeps slides out of this as well. Hank turns and catches a boot to the mid section from Terry Speeps. Speeps grabs Hank in a power bomb position, raising him up.. But Hank slides out the same way Speeps did. Hank with a school boy on Speeps. Referee Jeff Eaglo down for the count, 1.…2.… kick out at two from Terry Speeps.
Ventura: Another near fall there for Hank Scorpio.
Monsoon: Terry Speeps was trying to get cute, going for the Exodus and it almost cost him. It takes a LOT to hit someone with their own finishing move.
Both men get back to a vertical base. Terry Speeps darts into the ropes. Hank is right behind him. Speeps turns around in the ropes and Hank clotheslines him up and over the top rope and to the arena floor. Hank grabs a steel chair and flings it into the ring. Referee Jeff Eaglo quickly gets it back out of the ring, but while he’s doing this, Hank kicks Terry Speeps swiftly between the legs. Hank goes to work on the floor mats. He peels one up, exposing the concrete floor. Terry Speeps is still nursing his genital region. Hank Scorpio pulls him to a vertical base. He hooks in the inverted full nelson, dragging Terry Speeps up into the rack for it.. He’s going for the Exodus on the exposed concrete floor. Speeps wiggles out of it. Speeps pushes Hank into the exposed ring apron.
Monsoon: This match, and possibly Terry Speeps’ career, were almost over. That Exodus on concrete would’ve ended it all.
Ventura: And instead, Hank Scorpio goes into the hardest part of the ring. The padding only goes to the ropes, and that ring apron is nothing but steel and wood. Speeps is no dummy.
Hank is holding his ribs. Terry Speeps grabs Hank Scorpio and lifts him up. Now he’s going for the Omega Driver on the floor. But he has to let go of it. The referee has reached a count of eight. And it’s nine before either man is into the ring, but both make it in before ten.
Ventura: How anticlimactic would that have been?
Monsoon: This match almost ended in a double countout.
Both men are back in the ring. Hank throws a high right hand, it’s blocked by Terry Speeps. A second punch from Hank Scorpio and a second block. Terry Speeps now on the offense. Kick to the left side of the mid section, kick to the right, spinning back kick to the stomach and Terry Speeps is off into the far ropes. He rebounds and comes back. Handspring elbow, but Hank Scorpio catches him. Rear waist lock into an immediate up and over and a folding release German suplex. Hank stands over Terry Speeps now. Speeps leans up and small packages Hank Scorpio. Referee down for the count, 1.… 2.… kick out by Hank at two. Hank back to a vertical base. Speeps back up and an inside cradle from Speeps. 1.… 2... Kick out at two from Hank again. Hank up, complaining about a fast count, and Speeps small packages him. Referee down 1.… 2... Kick out. Both men up. Hank with a clothesline. It’s ducked. Sunset flip from Terry Speeps for a count, 1.… 2.… Hank Scorpio rolls out, back to his feet, and goes for a punt to the face, which is dodged by Terry Speeps and countered with a school boy. Referee down for the count, 1.… 2... Kick out at two by Hank Scorpio once more. Both men back to a vertical base. Standing hurricanrana attempt from Terry Speeps is countered and he’s planted into the mat with a bridging power bomb, bridging with a pin attempt. Referee down for the count, 1.…2... Kick out at two from Terry Speeps. Hank Scorpio pulls him back up and plants him into the mat with a second power bomb, with another bridge. Referee down, 1.… 2.… kick out again at two. This time Hank releases, opting to lay in the boots.
Monsoon: An impressive double power bomb scores two near falls, but not enough to put the champion away.
Hank yells out "IT’S OVER!" He drags Terry Speeps to a vertical base and stuffs him in power bomb position. He raises Speeps above his head, putting him in an inverted hanging full nelson. He’s going for the Hook of Job. But Terry Speeps shifts his weight. He gets his feet on the ground, then back slides Hank Scorpio. Referee down for the count. 1.…2.…3!
Monsoon: Did Hank kick out?
Ventura: That was three!
The bell sounds. Hank Scorpio absolutely can’t believe it. Terry Speeps rolls out of the ring and makes his way towards the backstage area.
WINNER and still CHAMPION: TERRY SPEEPS
Monsoon: The champion retains his title here Jess, but Hank Scorpio really gave him everything he could hope for.
Ventura: And it was all for naught Geno. Terry Speeps survived, and that's what a great champion does.
CSFMBWA Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Match: Douchebag and Woodridge Ryan (c) vs. RFDC and Phil McCracken vs. The Drinky Alliance Referee Reents gets the two CSFMBWA World Tag Team title belts and raises them high above his head for all to see. He makes an announcement to all six men, three in, three out. KS, RFDC, and Douchebag fall to the foregrounds with little protest and Reents calls for the opening bell. Drop In sneak attacks Woodridge Ryan. Drop In stomps Woodridge Ryan down to the mat, then drops a knee to the stomach. Woodridge Ryan gasps for air. Drop In grabs a leg and starts to work a knee bar. Drop In pulls Woodridge Ryan to his feet and whips him into the corner. Phil McCracken rushes past Drop In and starts clothes lining Woodridge Ryan. One, two, three, four, five, clotheslines over and over in the corner. Drop In nails McCracken in the back of the head with a forearm. Drop In grabs Phil by the hair. Phil is fighting, kicking, and screaming, trying to get free. Referee Reents warns Drop In to lay off the hair or he’ll be disqualified. Drop In locks Phil in a full nelson. Woodridge Ryan steps forwards out of the corner. McCracken jumps up and locks his legs around Woodridge Ryan’ head. Phil takes Woodridge Ryan over with a sideways head scissors take over. Elbows to Drop In breaks the full nelson. Phil McCracken does a standing moonsault to Woodridge Ryan, kicking Drop In in the face on the way over.
Monsoon: Unbelievable counter by Phil McCracken!
Ventura: I’ve got to admit, even I’m impressed by that.
Phil makes a cover on Woodridge Ryan. Count of one, but it’s broken up by Drop In. RFDC runs into the ring and kicks Drop In in the thigh. Referee Reents in tries to get RFDC out. KS climbs into the ring to help Drop In with a double team. The two stomp and clobber Phil. Woodridge Ryan makes a tag to Douchebag. Drop In continues to wear down Phil, clamping on a cravate to massive boos. Douchebag comes from behind Drop In and starts to lay in the kicks to the quadriceps of Drop In. Drop In lifts Phil up and drives him into the mat with a Chicosplex. Douchebag follows up with a double stomp sliding into a senton on Phil.
Ventura: These triple threat matches are so dangerous because there’s always a man out, ready to swoop in and attack.
Monsoon: And in this case, two men.
Ventura: So Keeping Score should be right at home.
Monsoon: WILL YOU STOP!
Phil gets back to his feet and hits a standing dropkick on Drop In. Drop In rocks, but doesn’t go down. Phil back up. Forearm from Phil. Another dropkick. Drop In falls backwards. He tries to make a tag to KS, but he falls into the wrong corner. RFDC grabs the hand of Drop In and starts biting it. Reents makes RFDC break the illegal bite. Drop In stumbles out of the corner. Phil has grabbed Douchebag in a side headlock. Drop In comes to the two and locks in a cravate on Phil. RFDC, not satisfied with his bite, runs into the ring and grabs Drop In in a headlock. KS comes into the ring and grabs RFDC in a headlock! Woodridge Ryan comes into the ring. He grabs KS in a headlock, and all six men are now in one massive headlock chain. Referee Reents starts a five count, because there’s three illegal men in the ring. 1.…2.….3.….4.….5... Reents realizes the five count did nothing, because everyone is breaking the same rule. Douchebag runs forward to get out of his headlock. Woodridge Ryan is rammed into the corner and like a domino effect, everyone but Douchebag goes down.
Monsoon: Did that just happen?
Ventura: Of course it did. Pay attention.
KS and Woodridge Ryan bail to the outside, slowly recovering and making their way to their respective corners. RFDC gets to his feet and takes a cheap shot on Drop In. Reents gives RFDC a verbal warning. RFDC responds with rambling incoherence synonymous with Missourians Drop In gets to his feet and grabs Douchebag in a cravate. Drop In lays the knees into the face of Douchebag, then lifts him up. Drop In drives Douchebag into the mat with a Chicosplex. He drags Douchebag back to his feet. Lifting knees to the face of Douchebag, Douchebag trapped in a cravate. Phil comes diving into the shot, nailing Drop In in the face with a drop kick and sending both Douchebag and Drop In stumbling through the ropes and to the arena floor.
Monsoon: A tremendous dropkick from Phil McCracken there Jess.
Ventura: He hit Drop In, Drop In took Douchebag with him.
Both Drop In and Douchebag are slow to their feet on the floor. Phil claps his hands for a moment, then runs to the ropes. A dive from Phil. Up and over the top rope, never touching it, a twisting corkscrew plancha from Phil and he takes out both Drop In and Douchebag. Phil is back up. He pulls up Drop In. The dives aren’t done though. Woodridge Ryan has entered the ring. Woodridge Ryan does a handspring flip across the ring, ending with a dive up and over the top rope, landing on Phil and Drop In on the floor. All four men on the floor are back up and KS has scaled the top rope nearest the announce table. KS turns around up top and does a picture perfect moonsault, knocking all four men to the floor, his own body crashing through them like bowling pins.
Monsoon: This is like a human demolition derby out here! Which car is going to break down first?
All five men are back up. RFDC climbs the buckle opposing the buckle that KS dove off of. All five men are brawling. RFDC dives into the frenzy with his Hooosier Hopper, diving with reckless abandon into the mosh pit and taking everyone out.
Monsoon: RFDC was the smartest man here. No one is going to dive onto him.
Ventura: That is a horrifying thought.
Drop In and RFDC are the first back up. Drop In grabs RFDC and whips him into the ring steps. Douchebag grabs Drop In and rolls him into the ring. Woodridge Ryan enters the ring as well. Douchebag and Ryan call for their finisher. Douchebag climbs to the top rope while Woodridge Ryan lifts up Drop In. As Douchebag is preparing to leap off, Woodridge Ryan shoves Drop In into the corner causing Douchebag to crotch himself. Woodridge Ryan then grabs Douchebag by the head and delivers the Hangmans Neckbreaker from the top rope to Douchebag.
Monsoon: What is Woodridge Ryan thinking?! That’s his tag team partner! They’re the champs!
Ventura: Looks like Ryan got a better offer Monsoon. When the Drinky Alliance comes calling, you answer the call.
Drop In drags Douchebag to the center of the ring as Woodridge Ryan heads to the outside to prevent anyone from entering the ring. Drop In swiftly applies the Hangover Clutch in the center of the ring. The fans are giving Drop In hell, Drop In not really caring as he stretches Douchebag. Douchebag is trying to get to the ropes. There’s no reprieve for Douchebag, as everyone else is out on the floor. RFDC is stirring. But it’s too late to break up the submission. Douchebag taps out. The bell sounds.
WINNER and NEW CHAMPIONS: Drop In and Keeping Score
Monsoon: What a miscarriage of justice here! Woodridge Ryan has cost his team the tag team titles and joined forces with the Drinky Alliance!
Ventura: He’s a smart business man Gorilla. He took Bigfan’s money, and then he took more money from BobbyHeenan.
Keeping Score and Woodridge Ryan enter the ring and celebrate with Drop In as the screen fades to black.
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