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chant re-cap
Raw (4/8/13)
John Cena came out for a promo. He basked in the boos for a while, then made fun of the fans for booing him for ten years. There were very loud BORING chants, perhaps the first time ever when that chant really was good heat. He proposed do- ing a championship dance, one that might include a shake, a kick, or a “heel turn.” That line, perhaps the best of Cena’s career, resulted in powerful cheers. He announced that he was going to cele- brate his championship win by defending that championship tonight. He called out Dolph Zig- gler (cheers), Randy Orton (boos) and CM Punk (cheers), but then Mark Henry interrupted. He began to speak, but was soon drowned out chants of SEXUAL CHOCOLATE. Cena goofed around for a while, then got serious and accepted Henry’s challenge for a title match tonight. Booker T came out and said Cena couldn’t book matches. Well, neither can Booker, he’s the Smackdown GM. Booker said Rock was entitled to a rematch. Cena pointed out that this would be their third once-in- a-lifetime match. Booker said Rock was injured and wouldn’t be here tonight. He said Henry would get a title shot if he beat Cena tonight. Henry vowed to put Cena in the Hall of Pain... Daniel Bryan vs. Big E Langston. Langston has stolen Samoa Joe’s one-armed slam out of the corner. This crowd loved Daniel Bryan and chanted YES for everything he did. Big E threw him into Kane, threw him back into the ring, and hit the big ending for the win... Kurt Warner was there to do a quick promo for his show... Wade Barrett vs. Miz. Miz slid between Barrett’s legs at one point and Cole deemed this a “cool move.”
Crowd did not like Miz and booed his comeback. It didn’t help when a neckbreaker got badly messed up. Wade was bleeding from the mouth. Miz hooked the figure-four, but Wade got the ropes after a mighty struggle. Crowd loved that. They fought on the turnbuckles and Wade dropped Miz headfirst into the post. He followed with the bull hammer for the win. Crowd loved that and counted along for the finish. Made Wade look like a big star. So Miz’s title reign lasted one day... Sheamus met with Brad and Vickie backstage. He demanded a match with Big Show. They granted him the match, but said he owed them a favor... Orton approached Booker T backstage. He also wanted a match with Show. He acknowledged that he’d been the one who said Sheamus could trust Show, and he’d been wrong about that, and he wanted to right that wrong. He said Booker was a Hall of Famer and should be able to overrule Vickie. Booker agreed and granted Orton the match... Swagger & Colter vs. Del Rio. Colter cut a promo demanding the crowd chant USA at Al- berto. They refused to do this, but they did let ev- eryone know they wanted Ziggler. Other than that, it was Alberto’s weekly good match that nobody cared about. They killed this crowd, which I would have thought was impossible. Del Rio won clean with the armbreaker. Colter never even got in. Del Rio’s leg was hurt, though, and he couldn’t even stand in the corner. Crowd REALLY wanted Ziggler at this point. And lo, a Dolph shall arrive. In trunks reading MY TIME, at that... Dolph Zig- gler vs. Alberto Del Rio. Dolph stomped on the leg repeatedly, then hit a fame asser for a nearfall. Crowd booed when Del Rio kicked out. Dolph missed a shoulder charge and Alberto managed to hit a step-up enzuigiri, but Dolph kicked out. He hooked the armbreaker, but Dolph was able to free himself by wrenching the bad leg, then hit the zig zag for the win and the title. That got a bigger re- action than most of Wrestlemania... Undertaker came out, doing his full entrance, saying he had dedicated his Mania match to Paul Bearer, but before he could even finish his sentence the Shield’s music hit. They came out and surrounded the ring and stared Taker down, but Team Hell No ran out to even the odds. Shield decided discretion was the better part of valor and bailed. JBL teased that they would return later... Dolph cut a promo backstage. He said he’d been too good for too long, and finally got what he’d deserved... 3MB vs. Truth & Zack Ryder & Santino. When did Saturday Morning Slam start? Santino pinned Heath with a cobra off the ropes. I got nothing else to add... They showed a bunch of clips from Axxess... Orton and Sheamus argued about who should fight Show... They aired a post-Mania in- terview with Big Show. He claimed that he hadn’t turned on Orton and Sheamus, they had turned on him, and from this point he was only looking out for himself... Sheamus came out and tried to con- vince the fans that he should fight Show. Then Orton came out and did the same thing, then they asked fans to pick one of them to face Show on the app... Orton won with a dominating 77 percent, but then Vickie and Booker came out. They said to hell with the fan voting, Sheamus was going to wrestle Orton now, and the winner would face the Big Show. When will that happen? Tonight? On Smackdown? Next week? On the PPV?... Shea- mus vs. Randy Orton.
So here is where this Raw became just flipping epic.
Crowd had no desire to watch this match, none, and decided to entertain themselves. First they sang the OLE song. Orton and Sheamus, bewildered, sat back and stared at the crowd. Then they started cheering for various European football teams, then loud chants of RVD’s name. JBL outright said they had no inter- est in what was going on in the ring. Crowd, per- haps having heard what he said, began to chant JBL’s name. JBL just started laughing. At this point the director gave up and just started shooting the fans. Next they chanted Lawler’s name, then Michael Cole’s. Orton looked highly annoyed. Crowd chanted ECW. Then they did the wave. Sheamus looked like he could laugh it off. Crowd chanted END THIS MATCH, then RANDY SAV- AGE. Orton looked pissed, and JBL said he could RKO 16,000 fans before the night was over. Ran- dy hit a suplex as they chanted HBK. Sheamus missed a brogue kick and Show came out and threw him into the post. This was not a DQ, I guess because it was outside the ring. THANK YOU BIG SHOW. Show then punched out Orton too. Show was the biggest babyface on this, uh, show. He beat up Randy on the floor as the crowd chanted for COTTON CANDY. Show hit a big spear and they chanted HOLY SHIT. Then they chanted WE ARE AWESOME. Show started throwing chairs into the ring, but he missed one and they chanted ONE MORE CHAIR.
This was a once-in-a-lifetime Raw segment right here. I will never forget it... Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston.
Fandango started out doing some stretching as the crowd sang his song. I am not making that up. I laughed until I cried. Jericho ran out about a min- ute in to attack Fandango for the DQ. He lit into Fandango, pausing to knock the hat off JBL’s head, then put Fandango in the crab and hit him with a codebreaker. Crowd sang Fandango’s song some more. Afterwards, the dancing hottie held the mic so Fandango, from his back, could say his own name. Crowd then began to dance like Eric Young to Fandango’s music... They showed Ce- na’s New York media tour from Monday morn- ing... They showed Hunter getting his arm x-rayed after his match with Lesnar. It wasn’t broken... Matthews interviewed Heyman backstage. He claimed that Brock had been knocked out cold early in the match and still lasted 20-plus minutes, while Shawn Michaels was a shell of himself and Hunter’s arm was barely working. He said Brock was ready for a fight tonight, but his clients didn’t fight for free. He was going to speak for Punk, but said Punk could speak for himself, and he would do so next week...
Rhodes Scholars & Bellas vs. Tons of Funk & Funkadactyls. Crowd was still singing and dancing to Fandango’s music. I don’t have any idea why, but JBL and Lawler both said Tensai was wrestling himself and that this was like a Ric Flair match. This eight-person here reminded them of RIC FLAIR. Brodus went ahead and danced along with the fans. Damian found himself alone with the two fatties, and they hit a sandwich avalanche and a double splash for the win... You can buy an app where you play as Dwayne John- son, movie star, and run around movie sets and beat people up. FYI... John Cena vs. Mark Henry. Crowd was still singing Fandango’s song, so Cena ducked a Henry charge and did some dancing, and he was universally cheered for this. They brawled on the floor and both guys teased doing finishers through the announce desk. Crowd said they wanted Lesnar. Cena threw Henry into the stairs and won by countout. Well that was weak. Henry hit Cena with the world’s strongest slam and held up the belt, but Ryback came out and cleared the ring. He helped Cena to his feet and they had a tense staredown, but Ryback let Cena go. Then he started getting the crowd to chant FEED ME MORE, and then he turned and dropped Cena with a clothesline. Yes, 24 hours after losing clean on the undercard at Mania, it appears Ryback is your new top contender. So yeah, this was quite the show.
_________________ Drop In wrote: I'm picturing a 12 year old Bob Loblaw bitching out a Randy Savage Wrestling Buddy for botching his finisher. Also envisioning Bob Loblaw getting bitched at for lighting the living room table on fire for said finisher.
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