Since they were ordained as Really Smart Guys by Sports Illustrated a heap o' bad luck has befallen the nuclear physicists and lawyers running the Houston Astros. Their proprietary database was hacked resulting in their analysis of players and private conversations ending up all over the Internet like nude photos of Alyssa Milano. Then their carefully selected number one pick couldn't pass his physical and the slot money may affect other draft choices down the line. These geniuses could really use some help from a Don Zimmer or Gene Michael or Hawk Harrelson.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

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"All crowds boycotting football games shouldn't care who sings or takes a knee because they aren't watching." - Nas