What the fuck is with the new 5-Hour Energy ad?


And Tad, Lola is perfect.

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C_Howitt_Fealz posted this in General section but it's something I've been meaning to post about here for a while:



Thank you.


This is worse that some of the mawkish stories I hear on NPR. They might as well have said "After leaving the orphanage at which I volunteer I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for my ailing grandmother, for whom I am the sole caregiver. I had just enough time to run in before I stopped at home to have my usual dinner of bread crusts and belly button lint before starting my shift at the teddy bear, candy, and puppy dog store. While patiently waiting in line, this man started shoving me..."

How often to wedding guests approach the father of the bride, out of the blue, and start shoving him?
Who, when getting repeatedly shoved by a stranger, says "Have I done something to hurt you or your family?"
If that were to happen, physically defending yourself is not at all unreasonable and not indicative of PTSD.

A Vietnam veteran who lives every day with the heavy conscience of having killed people and having been responsible for the deaths of his subordinates, I guess.

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I guess, but I would think that "What the hell are you doing?" or "What the fuck is your problem"? would be more likely.

If he were being harassed online or via text he could have directed the individual to thatsnotcool.com

I didn't know he played football for the Bears:

After graduating from Yale, he was drafted in the seventh roundof the 2001 NFL Draft by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He then spent one season with the Chicago Bears in 2001, and registered 15 tackles. In 2003, Merrill suffered a career-ending knee injury.

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His company, CT Homes, was featured on A&E's Flip This House for several seasons. IIRC his jerseys and helmets from Yale and the Bears were displayed in his office. His jersey and helmet from the Amsterdam Admirals were not displayed.

If I played that little for an NFL team I think I'd feel a little sheepish about showing off a jersey and helmet like that.

Streaming Cubs game online...Norwegian Cruise Lines radio spot. Kill me now.

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Rick Hahn is the best GM in baseball.

Pity revoked. There's no way the commercial is worse than the content.

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You can't see me because of internet.

The landowner effectively owns part shares in millions of part-time slaves called, "taxpayers." -Roy L
A Personal Relationship with Jesus?

Sweet Sassy Molassy, I just heard the father/son Norwegian Cruise Line commercial.

Not quite 1-877-Kars-4-Kids bad, but in the team photo.

The stream is making me homicidal lately. Between knowing I don't have to tee up my golf balls in Skokie twice a break(many times in a row) to that insipid instrumental track I heard 3 straight times in the 1:15 break, I'm ready to take hostages. And fuck your shitty CBS shows!

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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out. - Bill Hicks

Let's do it for Johnny!

Hey. Kerry. The brand name known as "Kidde" is pronounced "Kid Uh" not "Kitty".

Dope.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Heard that too.

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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out. - Bill Hicks

Let's do it for Johnny!

"Hi, I'm Tom Waddle."

"WHOA, TOM WADDLE!"

"That's right, Johnny!"

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Man, you're on point in both cases. For some reason, when they play the "golf swing" sound effect, it irritates me to no end. Probably because they play it 40 times per day. And that instrumental track is god-awful. I think there's some sort of protocol where, when the regular commercials fail to play, they play that instead. And CBS, being notoriously inept at web-streaming, fails to play its commercials properly on a regular basis, leading to that instrumental being played 3+ times in a row fairly regularly.

God CBS is inept. It's incredible really. They are truly committed to never improving.

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You can't see me because of internet.

The landowner effectively owns part shares in millions of part-time slaves called, "taxpayers." -Roy L
A Personal Relationship with Jesus?

I thought they only played those commercials on AM1000 but I heard it on 'XRT this morning. It was followed by a commercial for Howie Mandel's upcoming show...which made me wonder if the kid in the Waddle commercial is Mandel doing that "Bobby" voice.

The "I'M FEELING SUBWAY....CHICAGO!" auto-tune ad makes me want to Ray Rice my phone.

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Hey Jake, no one's buying your fucking mint chew with that douche in the background, echoing everything (everything) you say.

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GOT TO WORK.

Whatever ad exec thought it would be cool to let Flo sing needs to be stoned to death with small rocks.

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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out. - Bill Hicks

Let's do it for Johnny!

Mom, when can I lick the spoon?

Take that spoon and knock your little fuckstain upside the head, mommy!

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That one is so brutal. Every commercial that has ever used autotune has been a complete disaster. Please, stop it.

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You can't see me because of internet.

The landowner effectively owns part shares in millions of part-time slaves called, "taxpayers." -Roy L
A Personal Relationship with Jesus?

Has anyone heard the Jurko ad with John Chico? Not sure there is a worse one out there. Sounded like they did this in one take. That, or this was the 83rd time, and they just gave up.

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Is that the one where he "wants ta buy some of dem ly-nen pants."?

He really means linen pants but since it's Jurko he's so dumb he thinks they're ly-nen.

It's like they found a folder full of rejected Mike and Mike commercials.

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Sex isn't dirty, sex isn't a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.

-Hank Kingsley

Jim Oberwiess isn't a career politician...

That is true. Mostly owing to the fact that he cannot manage to ever get elected for anything.

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I don't remember half the time if I'm hiding or I'm lost

I cannot understand the commercial where the father is actually a hamster inside of a little ball and the daughter speaks only French while little cartoon birds flutter around her head. Then they added a black character who reminds me of Don King.

This commercial really makes me angry.

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that commercial is beyond awful

It's pronounced Gore Don.

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The one really pissing me off is the Chipotle ads where he say is something called cheese that is made with milk that comes from cows on a farm that eat something called grass.

I don't need to have someone explain what cheese is as if I were a 4 year old.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

McDonald's new eco-nom-nom-nomics commercials.

They really go out of their way to make bad commercials. Or maybe I'm just so far out of their demographic range that I will never like them.

I never once was thinking that Screamin' Sicilian was a chick.

But now that I'm thinking about a Sicilian chick having an orgasm, I kind of feel like eating pizza.

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You know me like that.