So... they make these premade cookies. You just need to put the cookie dough cutouts in the oven. You've seen them.
I ate two raw cookies.
Will I die?
If so... will it be painful?

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Oh.. and I've had 6 fingers of Chivas.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

No. You did exactly what you were supposed to do. They don't really expect anyone to heat them up.

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It actually says "Please do not eat raw cookie dough" on the label.
These were pumpkin cookies with cream cheese chips.
Magnificent.
For the record, of all the way to get poisoned, this one was pretty damn good.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

I never saw the "not."

I always thought they were encouraging me to eat them raw. Live and learn.

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I'm going to assume that the scotch will kill the deadly chicken germs.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

You will be shitting brown water for the next 48 hours.

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Back off, Warchild. Seriously.

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

I'll take it. It's usually red.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

You can get "worms" from eating raw cookie dough. If one of these things falls out of your ass don't be surprised.

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Back off, Warchild. Seriously.

When you die, can I have your car?

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It's more of a truck. Although you can haul dirt in it. That's cool.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

A sea lamprey?

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On the time scale of the history of the Earth an individual human lifetime is a mere blink of an eye. We're born, we live, and we die--and then we are "heard no more." Death is like a dreamless sleep from which we will never awake, our consciousness snuffed out forever. If this life is all there is, what is the point of living? If we're all going to be dead in the end anyway, what difference does it make what we do with our lives? We may influence the lives of others, but they too are doomed to death. In a few generations most of our accomplishments will be totally forgotten, the memories of our lives reduced to a mere name etched on a tombstone or written on a genealogy chart. In a few centuries even our tombstones will be unreadable due to weathering; our skeletal remains will be all that is left of us. Barring fossilization, these too will be disintegrated into the earth and no trace of us will remain. The matter from which we were made will be absorbed into other organisms--plants, animals, even other human beings. New species will appear, flourish, and disappear, soon to be replaced by others filling in the niche left by their extinction. Human beings too will succumb to extinction. All life on Earth will be wiped out when our dying sun expands into a red giant, finally engulfing the Earth. Ultimately the universe will be incapable of supporting any life as it expands forever, leaving only residual heat and evaporating black holes, or contracts back on itself, fusing all matter and energy into a final Big Crunch. Either way, all life in the universe will disappear forever.

Eat all the fucking cookie dough you want, Darkside.

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I don't remember half the time if I'm hiding or I'm lost

Nobody has ever fucking died from eating raw cookie dough. There's a reason it's 10x more delicious than actual cookies. You're fine dude.

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Fare you well, fare you well
I love you more than words can tell
Listen to the river sing sweet songs
To rock my soul

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

Cookie Dough > Caffeine > Weed

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Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami

When I was in junior high my mom made a batch of homemade cookie dough. Over the course of the
day while it was chilling in the fridge I got in there a number of times and ate it out of the bowl. I
ended up getting Salmonella food poisoning from it. Pretty uncomfortable few days there. I've
continued to eat raw cookie dough over the course of the following 25 years with no repercussions.
You should be ok.

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami

what's the reason why you aren't supposed to eat it raw ? raw eggs ? i guess eating raw flour probably isn't too good either

Not a huge fan of this guy but this was good


Patton OswaltVerified account
‏@pattonoswalt
"Please don't eat raw cookie dough." Why, Pillsbury? Worried I might be happy for FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES? #christmas #drunk #crying



And no you wont die, you would have probably died if you HADN'T eaten a couple cold ones

"Never eat raw eggs - only drink dem."
-Rocky Balboa

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"This is Chicago, my friend. Anything can happen."

Chas wants to know how that worked out for ya.

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Stoned in college, lived within 200 feet of a Circle K (Arizonan for 7-11), "Yo lets split a tube of dough!"...it was essentially a meal for the 2 AM hour.

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

http://www.thecookiedoughcafe.com/


These guys were on Shark Tank awhile ago (Im addicted to this show)

Takes the eggs out of the process I believe.

Or you could just hike up your skirt and not worry about it.

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Cookie Dough after weed > Cookie dough

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Excellent.

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I'm pretty sure CiJ just called Darkside a nancy.

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Well he can just suck on my pee pee cant he?

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Technically, I believe that it is possible that he can, yes.

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George