Gotta like the fact that he says what's on his mind and is not kissing anyone's ass.

Good for him!

This "Kap" guy is too big for The Game. I think he's destined for bigger and better things, maybe something like an evening slot on WGN 720AM now that they're going to lose the Cubs and only have the Blackhawks and maybe Northwestern Football in terms of proper sports, and the latter doesn't affect the timeslot that I figure Kaplan could DOMINATE for no less than 10 years if they make the move.

I'm tellin ya, I see greatness in this Kaplan guy's future. He could even win the coveted "Father of the Year" award given, erm not necessarily given every year to fathers who display extraordinary achievements in the field of excellence by getting their kids up into skyboxes and/or into lockerrooms to meet-n-greet pro athletes. i scoff at those asswipes who give their kid a kidney or like, you know, die to save their kid in the wake of a natural disaster or something. that's all fine and good, but are you saving your kid's life so they can get patrick's sharp autograph? does their father have a picture with michael jordan to give them the confidence that they need to go forth and EXCEL? you might have saved their life, sure but what kind of a life did you save? one that's not a life with the "Father of the Year" that's for sure.

not to mention some of those asshat "selfless" (ha! if you're selfless take yourself out of the running) aka "sacrificial" fathers aren't alive so why should you waste a perfectly good award to give to a dead guy? what's the family gonna do, put the award on their mantle and have it next to a picture of the deceased and always think "man, my father was a great great man" whenever they happen to pay the mini-shrine a visit? pfffft fuck that fuck them. give the award to somebody who really NEEDS it, you know, the kind of person who'd proudly put it on their own wikipedia page so it looks like the guy can't wake up in the morning and wipe his ass after a shit without getting an award from it. that's the kind of person who benefits most from the "Father of the Year" award, and therefore that's who it should always go to. Better yet just name it "The David Kaplan Award for paternal excellence in mimicking 'Kap' , who is clearly a proper renaissance man for our time and market (pic related)



so all that's left is David Kaplan (centaur) or David Kaplan (mythological legend) or better yet David Kaplan (deity) to make sure all the bases are covered, cuz clearly there's only one david kaplan, he just has his various occupations technically listed as other David Kaplans because if the world knew that he was as great as he is (and not just merely as great as we already know he is) he might be abducted by the government and chained up in a labratory where they run tests on him for the rest of his life. to complete the ruse they'd just put a scarecrow out there with a bald head and a little pocket recorder with 20 random soundbites that say things like "I'M JUST TELLING IT LIKE IT IS" or "My sources out east tell me [information]" or "That's enough [Haugh/caller/texter]" and they can pull off a geoff from craig ferguson with the scarecrow and nobody, save the true diehards like westmont mike or whoever started this thread, will even notice.

TL;DR = way more than a stupid caricature of myself going down the tired avenue of ir/rational david kaplan hatred/jealousy/his-wife-likes-it-fine; IT'S A WAY OF LIFE! just like the coveted "Father of the Year" award that i'm never gonna let the guy live down cuz comeon man who the fuck cares about this award? you can barely find anything about it....but you can find a list of hte winners and it DOES tell you something about the nature of the award:



ah well, at least a perfunctory search on MY FAVORITE father of the year gives you this...



I AM SINICALYPSE, AND MY DUTY TO SHIT UP DAVID KAPLAN THREADS ON THE CSFMB IS A MISSION FROM GOD. SERIOUSLY HE'S KIDNAPPED MY WIFE AND FAMILY AND MADE ME LIVE OUT THIS LIFE OF BONKERS BULLSHIT IN ORDER TO GET THEM BACK!

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I remember him when he was a basketball scout/reporter many years ago. Wasn't a fan a few years ago but the more I hear the guy, I respect the fact that he doesn't bullshit anyone and doesn't care if he offends the Trestman/Cutler/DRose/Ted Phillips of the world.

Who cares? Nobody is listening.

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"challenge accepted" -Dan Bernstein

holy shit that was an edit and not an original post? lol here i got back to the computer and saw the form open so i kept on writing and it turns out i had posted the original two paragraphs long before making it a TL;DR affair.

ah well the BONUS SINI(TM) portion of the post is good. that illinois fatherhood initiative is what i expected it to be, some gladhanding bullshit tax-shelter of a charity/public-service that just exists to launder $$$ and toss out awards to media luminaries/darlings/figures who can go out and promote the initiative to get the word out there that they exist and yeah, no agendas there with father of the year.... clearly the best fathers on earth are athletes, media stars, and bigtime politicians. i mean just the sheer # of bastard/ish children they create with jump-offs alone should align with what i assume the raison d'etre of the illinois fatherhood initiative is: to like, you know, go out and have there be more fathers so there's more fatherhood otherwise what the hell does a fatherhood initiative do? is this some dad's rights stuff which will be laughed away in court as a pathetic branch of the men's rights activists or MRA? good LAWD go ask anyone who's even casually "i experimented with it once or twice in college" feminist about MRA people and they'll get legit pissed and ready to hit you cuz HOW DARE THE OPPRESSORS OF THE PATRIARCHY CLAIM THAT THEY'RE VICTIMS!!!! THAT'S UNPOSSIBLE LIKE RALPH WIGGUM FAILING ENGRISH! MY BUDDIES DID *NOT* DIE FACE DOWN IN THE MUCK SO THIS STRUMPET, THIS HARLOT...... CAN GO GALLAVANTING AROUND TOWN RACKING UP DEBTS WHILE THEY PEE ON YOUR RUG

they peed on my rug....

lebowski? that's your name dude.

(getting closer to that mythological day where i reach total enlightenment and only speak in big lebowski quotes. my day shall come, descendants fans!)

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