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 Post subject: Calling Phil Emery!l
PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 1:05 am 
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If the talent is there and the work is there and nobody quit, then an entire new coaching staff needs to be brought in, because what you are telling me is that you did your job and acquired NFL talent.

If the coaching staff stays next year, then you think they are doing a good job and then the talent is there and you Mr Emery need to be fired.

pick a lane.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 3:30 am 
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this is exactly the shit that has me worried the most: who the fuck is gonna work for trestman as he enters his presumably-lame-duck year because unless the bears actually toss poor mister tresticool with teh tresticles [[[(c) 2014 TASTY REUBEN PRODUCTIONS --- because part of the settement with durr speagol about the etymology of the phrase "tresticles" ended up with him winning cuz like, he could afford lawyers and stuff]]]] some sort of decent DC i mean what the fuck do you think is gonna happen next year?

but the problem is that senor tresty prolly has 0.0(, mr. blutarsky) NFL connections to pull a sons of anarchy and decide that they need to reach out to brown yellow blue and red and tell them that we're reaching out to make the football club whole after catching some blowback from black because of the whole "gemma killed tara" thing. JAYSUS CHROIST JACKIE! get ready because sutter managed to find a way to get no less than 2-3 man-asses on TV tonight so revel in the glory of charlie hunnam (stunt double?) ass

AHEM. yeah as i was saying b4 i tangented myself off topic i have absolutely NO faith in them getting somebody significantly better than mel tucker for what's 90% likely going to be cap'n tresticool's lame duck season. i mean with teh defense maintaining its level of PURE AND UTTER SHITE and emery doing worse and worse in terms of replenishing the organization through hitting on, say at least 1/3 4th-6th round defensive players every year.... yeah shit i dont think you're gonna get any DC with chops in here UNLESS you get a recently-fired head coach who's a defensive guy and is willing to immediately take the 1yr gig to show the NFL he can take a 28th-30th ranked defense and get it somewhere in the teens, if not even better than that....

otherwise your best bet is to get some bright young mind (you know, REALLY. SMART. PEOPLE.) who is just itching and twitching to coordinate a defense en route to becoming a HC... and if you can get a guy in here to work miracles (say he knows how to call a defense and they end up being like #17 overall.... that's a miracle for this bears DEF) then he can use us as a stepping stone to a HC gig somewhere else.... cuz i dont think the bears have ever had a coach who was doing his thing b4 shit went bad but then when that coach went out you had some bright young coordinator to step in and get promoted to the role of HC.... that's never happened here, right?


i hate to hearken the ghost of hub here BUT.....

THE GHOST OF HUBERT ARKUSH JR. wrote:
where'd you coach your football?


>>>>I<<<< might not have ever coached my football anywhere, but i can tell you that when spunky veteran CB tim jennings has an innocuous quote saying "us players do tape study together because there's nothing that the coaches can tell us" --- well when you have quotes like that HITTING THE FUCKING NEWSPAPER/S NO LESS, i mean.... comeon man. you just had one of your "defensive leaders" (deion>>>>peanut>>jennings>>>>scarecrow-controlled-by-a-radio-controlled-pickup-truck) end up calling out the coaching staff for not being able to, you know, COACH THEM. that's the most damning thing to come out this season IMO.

but yeah to finish my TL;DR.... real problem here is the offense. small picture? this season the bears start off every game impotent as hell (when's our last first possession TD btw? have we had one this year? detroit thankgiving?) and then invariably around 2nd-3rd quarter lord tresticool adapts to what they're doing and then the bears come to life (sometimes they even remember that they have BOTH marhall and alshon and they get something going and can put up ~14-21pts in a hurry.... but then the other team figures out what they're doing and then shuts it down and by the end of the game you're praying for a miracle turnover or stop or whatever and yeah.

big picture? trestman returned to the NFL year and TOOK THE LEAGUE BY STORM! alshon jeffery stepped up and looked like arguably one of the best #2 WRs in the game if he didnt prove he has what it takes (aside from, say, 5yrs of 1000+yds and 7+ TDs) to be a #1 wideout. the revamped offensive line must have sacrificed a virgin to satan to stay healthy for the whole season, and hey you know i've realized this year that we've got MAYBE one more year trotting out forte..... but thats another post for another time as this year in terms of fantasy points (10yds per point with 1yd = 0.1pts, 6pts for a TD, 2pts for a 2pt conversion and of course rec yards are 10/point too so you factor that all in adn you get 16.90, 3.60, 7.60, 18.10, 21.60, 27.70, 22.90, 25.80, 8.10, 18.50, 23.20, 5.80, and 16.00pts tonight.

and that's from a guy who i think has one more year at best before 1) he explodes from overuse or 2) he decines down to that 3.4ypc running back hearkening glorious memories of iron head beyward or maybe even THE JAMES ALLEN SHUFFLE (something i still pay occasional tribute to when i'm about to walk in a direction but i stop and shuffle my feet before darting for 2-3yds and stopping and people go WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU SINI?!?!?! and i say "do you have an hour or two? no really, i'm just dong the james allen shuffle" and they're like OK.

i dont remember if i ever got my friend to ask the chick he worked with (who nailed james in the employee parking lot of the addison dave & busters in the back of her SUV.... the sex was purportely unsatisfying for her because it was a pump and dump scenrio but hey she notched a chicago bear so c'est la fucking vie, no?) if james allen does a little shuffle/shimmy before insertion.

so anyways, i ahve to ask: what could a real coach/QB do with this offense? if you had brady or rodgers or peyton manning in there.... i mean odds are you'd have a real good longtime coach behind them (cuz go figure that when you have an elite QB in the NFL where you're basically in the playoff hunt every year minus the occasional radar blip seasons---- yeah those top level QBs tend to have 1-2 coaches for their whole career. COINCIDENCE?!?!?

meanwhile jay cutler goes through coaches and OCs like a whore goes through love sponges.

and yeah given that jay's evidenty some kind of pudwhack with a conversion van making waves this training camp and our coach is a fucking drillrod </davewills> who i dont trust to have meaningful contact/interactions with any member of the human race, let alone his players..... oh yeah man were totally fucked.

so of course the bears thing to do is to get some new DC in, get lucky in like ~5 areas of need.. maybe #6 if you catch my drift. an then somehow someway the team goes 10-6/11-5 makes it into the playoffs and let's say wins a game.... this in the seaosn where it was basically like "ok trestman's done but we here at the chicago bears dont pay 2 coaches for more than 1 season cuz thats not how we do business here" --- and its like 2001-02 all over again with dick jauron ready to be mercilessly sacrificed to the football gods yet that flukey-as-shit 13-3 happened and magic!!!! and then coach dick stuck around til 2003 whereas he was supposed to be gone after 2001. so yeah i figure the 2015 bears somehow make the playoffs and get trestman an extension, then in 2016 they are this-level-bad or even worse and by then you hopefully only gave tresticool ~3yrs, otherwise if he gets ~4/+ we're looking at roughly 2018 before we can jettison the dude.

and that, my friends, is your outlook for the chicago football bears. its awfully bleak unless you can 1) draft some bonafide young talent and 2) have coaches there who can coach them up. seeing as i have 0.0 faith in them to deliver this product, welp, enjjoy those fleeting moments when a 5-10 bears team beats a 13-2 favre-led-vikings team..... otherwise yeah this shit's gonna suck suck suck and with the offense devolving despite this personnel (just blame brandon marshall. it's the easiest thing to do) and that's before you even look at the defense?

man WOW. if this shit goes tits up i wonder if trestman could lead the bears to their first #1 overall draft pick? AND WITH THE FIRST PICK IN THE 2016 NFL DRAFT.... THE CHICAGO BEARS SELECT JAME-IS WINSTON, FROM THE UNIERSITY OF FLORIDA DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS

but then we trade him and two draft picks to the titans for zach mettenberger and the circle of ife cntinuesl

</TLDR>

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