ugh.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

There is a God!

Shalom.

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Hawaii (fuck) You

You're Very Weird, Hatchetman!

who's in for dan? is it Your Very Watchable Holmes? Yah weh or No way?

You Always Want Entertaining Happiness on the radio, and I don't know if Young Vivacious Wunderkind Holmes can provide that.... I suppose I could always turn on my radio and find out, but that's all of 2 feet away and i'm being very lazy and wondering "where's the fun in that?"

....and i just turned it on and there's a commercial already at 1:10 so uhhhh.... no tranny? I'm out of the true name of god acronyms/puns/whatevers so can someone help me out here?

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anticipating Fox presser. plus commercials are more insightful than Terry and Drinky.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

it'll be interesting to see if they're willing to do a bunch of drops over the presser and essentially riff it MST3K style like they used to do back in the day (when Gigglygoff was producing? maybe that riffing was a J1G joint?) or if this is taken VERY. SERIOUSLY. because now that we have a real/legit coaching staff in town maybe we have to take their pressers seriously?

either that or i think b4 the 2014 season the bears signed a new deal with the score (to keep bears all access there and whatever else) with phil emery talking about #Synergy and all that, so maybe a condition of that contract was no more drops/riffing pressers? it wouldnt surprise me if halas hall caught wind that there was a show on the score that was actively making fun of their pressers and they decided to flex a little muscle and demand that it stop, or hell maybe all they had to do was ask and the score/show acquiesced because as dan bernstein has famously told us THE LISTENERS DON'T PAY MY SALARY, THE SPONSORS DO!!!!! and since you figure the bears are buying airtime to put bears all access on, yeah, if they didnt like b&b riffing their pressers well you know when it's time for that new deal to let the #Synergy kick in you put a kibosh on all of the fun because THESE PRESSERS ARE VERY SERIOUS AND IMPORTANT. YOU DON'T CLOWN ON THE [NFL] SHIELD.

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There's no doubt that word came down from above to stop the press conference clowning.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

at some point they made an announcement that they weren't going to do that anymore. likely CBS told them to cut it out.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

Who actually wants to listen to the coach say nothing interesting for 15-30 minutes? The drops made it slightly entertaining.

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He's probably with Rahm and Theo at temple cooking up a deal or lending money.

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

Well, I could give a fuck about the Bears or the NFL, so it at least made something I would never listen to into something I might. But with football being America's favorite sport, I'm in the clear minority. There are fans sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for the latest cliches to some spewing out of the mouths of John Fox and Jay Cutler. NFL is serious business.

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Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walkin' up to The Hill
With Elon, Tulsi, and Don

oh ok.... thx hatchetdude! i figured it was something like that because it was a good bit that as douchebag said/implied/whatevered made those pressers actually listenable. as it is they're pretty dry and vanilla because NFL coaches aren't in the business of putting all their (football?) shit out there, and when it does happen it's a leak of some sorts.... whether it's football information or that all-important stuff about rex ryan and his foot fetish (videos).

yeah seriously idk if i can imagine a life where i'm not acutely aware of the sexual proclivities of one rex ryan. they don't call this the information age for nothing!

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I'm pretty sure fans in general don't care what any coach in any sport has to say.

Except Joe... Because his words give us clarity in an uncertain world.

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Wait'll Joe brings in Penn and Teller plus a magician, then watch the fireworks happen!!

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

Spiegel is in, but Bernstein is out?

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Good people drink good beer - Hunter S. Thompson

<º)))><

Waiting for the time when I can finally say
That this has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way

I always thought Terry was a tribesman.

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WHOA WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

julie decaro just gave the english premier league [soccer] table (standings) on the 2pm update. seriously. i thought it was weird enough that ESPN has been including euro soccer on their bottomline feed, and then i'd notice the occasional highlight in their top 10 (leading me to believe that sportscenter would do recaps/highlights of "big" european matchups) but THEY JUST GAVE THE PL TABLE ON THE 2PM SCOREBOARD UPDATE ON THE SCORE!

of course bernstein isn't here on the first day i heard it cuz i'm sure sooner than later we'll get quips about how we really care about english soccer standings and cue the usual crap about how he tried to watch america in the world cup but he couldn't get into it because the sport blows and give him something he's used to with 1-2min commercial breaks every 5-15mins tops and give him a sport with PERPETUAL ACTION instead of the abstract of a bunch of mostly-european manlets running around having a kickabout (casually kicking the ball around back and forth to each other)

and i'm sure the guy who gave us BIG. BLACK. STUDS. is going to have to something to say about the seemingly-annual picture of these two together:



this year it was messi and THE GREAT WHITE HOPE!!!! (jj watt) and it had the same !!!! effect:



so yeah i can see dan going on about how THE GREATEST SOCCER PLAYER IN THE WORLD is basically this tiny little midget/manlet who doesnt even compare to 6'6"+ / 250-275+lbs of AMERICAN MUSCLE and he wants to watch these super-athletic freaks go out there and demolish each other for his entertainment as opposed to watching a guy right around his height/size/build run around a giant field kicking the ball back and forth with his tiny long-distance-runner-type-athletes where, again, NOTHING HAPPENS! 2-0 IS A BLOWOUT! etc

but i'm telling you, when i first started forcing myself to make it through entire english premier league (EPL, even tho it's formally BPL for barclay's premier league) games on ESPN2 @ 645am on saturday mornings i also had that first impression being a boring one... it was a bunch of mostly-european manlets having a kickabout and a lot of wanking off with not a lot of (if any) money shots! i'm an american dammit and in terms of that metaphor i've been conditioned to expect my sports to having me swimming in so much spooge that i NEED commercial breaks every 5-10mins to let me catch my breath (lest i drown.....in jacquizz rodgers) so WTF is thsi perpetual anticipation shit? BOOOORRRRIIINNNGGG!!!! but then once i got past that and i got more used to it, man, there's so much !!!!!!!!!!RELEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 in a goal that the only thing that's similar to it is scoring a touchdown in the NFL (especially when you're @ the game and you jump up looking to high five anyone and everyone in your viscinity to celebrate the glory of scoring) and if you can put up with a lot of (or possibly a whole game full of) not-scoring, well then scoring is that much more glorious and FUCKYEAH!!!!!! there's nothing quite like it, especially at 7:20 on a saturday morning when you've got fuckall else going on.

and holy shit, here i go again all TLDR about a niche-at-best sport that maybe only 5-10ppl here TOPS actually care about, but yeah, i reckon having the 2pm scoreboard update include EPL (formally BPL or barclay's premier league) tables/standings = a pretty fucking big deal cuz evidently nowadays with NBC and FOX investing $$$ in airing euro soccer (and hell, yesterday around 4pm i saw that channel 50 was airing a re-broadcast of saturday's buyern munich match that aired on fox sports 1/2/soccer/whatever) there is an effort underway to get americans en masse to care about euro soccer prolly because compared to the big-4 american sports right fees are significantly less and a lot of the matches air during hours where there's little-to-no serious competition so there's prolly solid $$$ to be made.... and if that means i'm going to have american media pushing euro football info on me.... well in the immortal words of pharoahe monch BRING IT ON MOTHERFUCKER BRING IT ON!

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I think it's because you have to be in your house by sunset. So Spiegel was safe. Granted, sunset is at 7pm, but if Bernstein got caught in traffic and didn't make it, it would mean that he would go directly to hell upon death. So he didn't want to take that chance even though he thinks religion is stupid. Wait, it's just Christian religious rituals/traditions that is stupid. That's right.

Just said the Packers haven't punted at Soldier Field since 2013.

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Power is always in the hands of the masses of men. What oppresses the masses is their own ignorance, their own short-sighted selfishness.
- Henry George

Same thing in that Will Smith movie, I Am Legend.

Has the Score King ever explained why he takes off Jewish Holidays but rants on the radio how awful and creepy people are who "believe in the invisible man in the cloud".
Does he actually go to synagogue and / or does Joffrey and the forgotten daughter take part in the coming of age Jewish religious events?
Does he look at being a Jew as if it's a social organization or nationality as opposed to an evil religion that the likes of Tim Tebow or some member of the military industrial complex may be into?


In conclusion, him being a hypocrite about religion is reason # 123 to think Dan is a bad guy.

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Kenny Williams fell for the banana in the tailpipe

Good day to "Jew it up!"

i don't think that's necessarily a "dan" thing as much as it is quite possibly a broader thing. basically it all comes down to "do what i say, not what i do" --- really, you could religion or any other denominations out of the equation and it'd pretty much end up being human nature.

DAMN THERE'S THE PL TABLE AGAIN! "PERENNIAL POWERHOUSE CHELSEA FALLS DOWN TO 7TH" --- is chelsea even that high?

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Atheists take Christmas off all the time.,

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Laurence, to his lasting credit, caught Dan off guard with this once. Dan was ranting about how Christians are bad, Christianity is stupid (Christianity is stupid! Communism is good! if sinicalypse doesn't get it no one will), and there is no God. Laurence then pointed out that Dan celebrates Jewish holidays, so if he doesn't believe in that God stuff, what's he doing observing the holidays? Dan's response of stutters and stalls was like that of God's Chosen Boers. So to answer your question, no, he hasn't explained why, unless you count "uh well it I mean it's not the what you uh look" as an explanation. And that's fine because it's really none of our business.

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Holy rabbi that is one short family.

Something tells me the boy isn't the athlete we've been sold on.

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"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

That's actually a flattering picture of his wife.

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There are only two examples of infinity: The universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the universe.

somebody photoshopped that to smush them down. they are not THAT short.

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Reality is your friend, not your enemy. -- Seacrest

We need Yao Ming to lend some perspective.

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Kenny Williams fell for the banana in the tailpipe