As most people know by now, I’m not a huge fan of “Kiss Cam.” But then again, I’m not really a fan of all the timeout entertainment, given how shrill and downright stupid it can be. And seeing as how I follow the Zappa school of “Love Is For Assholes,” Kiss Cam is particularly bothersome. But I accept it’s part of the American sports scene and isn’t going anywhere, and mostly just treat it as noise.

However, last night I was struck by yet another instance of the Hawks, or more to the point their gameday staff, unable to even get a finger in the wind. I don’t make every game like I used to, so I don’t know how long this has been going on. But now, Kiss Cam has an introduction from a young woman who has become something of the in-game, in-building host for all of their promotions. I can’t seem to find her name anywhere so if someone can help me via Twitter or email I’ll change this. Anyway, before Kiss Cam starts she approaches Tommy Hawk in a “Kissing Booth,” and well, you can pretty much figure out where it goes from there (he fixes the cable?). It’s nothing lurid, but it’s uncomfortable to watch this woman kiss a mascot.

I’m not sure what exactly the payoff here is supposed to be. Kiss Cam itself can be seen weird and somewhat creepy. And one day every arena is going to have to actually put a gay couple up there, but let’s save that discussion for another time.

In this current atmosphere, what exactly is gained by having this woman, clearly a little uncomfortable, kiss a mascot? And really, what is gained by having a mascot meant to entertain kids sexualized in any or slightest way? At best, it’s just awkward and weird. It could be viewed as something worse, and again there’s just no gain from it. It’s not funny, it’s not cute, it’s not anything but bad.

You’d think the NHL itself would want to put a stop to this, given that the Kings mascot is currently being sued for groping a woman, and we certainly don’t need to get into the litany of charges hurled at Benny the Bull for the bullshit he perpetrated in the very same building. You’d think someone in the Hawks organization would be aware of any of this, but then again we gave up on the Hawks have any kind of awareness long ago.

The future holds the possibility to be great or terrible, and since it has not yet occurred it remains simultaneously both.

That's it, I'm alt-right now. I'm voting for Donald Trump. I'm writing in Donald Trump in elections he's not even running in. I'm screeching about "western civilization" all the time. Anything to diametrically oppose myself to "kissing an anthropomorphic bird in a dumb skit is rape culture."

The future holds the possibility to be great or terrible, and since it has not yet occurred it remains simultaneously both.

The future holds the possibility to be great or terrible, and since it has not yet occurred it remains simultaneously both.

The future holds the possibility to be great or terrible, and since it has not yet occurred it remains simultaneously both.

Well, I'm open to considering it, but paying for an internet site is still terra incognita to me, not to say there's not a window of possibility

The future holds the possibility to be great or terrible, and since it has not yet occurred it remains simultaneously both.

Have a terrible night and die in MANY fires.

Thoroughly enjoy their podcast every week. Easily the best analysis out there. Love their snark. I would pay a lesser amount to support them since I have gotten a lot of entertainment from them over the years but $60 a year is too much.

The future holds the possibility to be great or terrible, and since it has not yet occurred it remains simultaneously both.

They love any Euro player with good tools who gets knocked over in a stiff breeze because Don Cherry wouldn't.

They think Teuvo is the second coming . Their analysis can’t be that good .

and then Jay Zawaski will come along and copy their "analysis" as his own. Since he works at 670, no one can call him out on it as no one there knows what icing is.

Reminds me of when Jesse Rogers was doing the postgame during the early 2000s Hawks dark ages and someone made the following call:

Caller: can you tell me what icing is?
Jesse: You don't know what icing is?
Caller: No, can you tell me?
Jesse: You seriously don't know what icing is?
Caller: Yeah, I want you to tell me because you don't know, because you're a fucking idiot. (they didn't hit the dump button in time)

Have a terrible night and die in MANY fires.

I'm assuming he didn't answer the question after dumping the caller.

All the original angles didn’t really give any indication. But living in Colorado, I had front row seats for the Colorado feed, which had an overhead angle of the goal. If you watch the video, it’s pretty clear that the puck touches Saad’s stick on its way over. So once again, the NHL can’t zip a pair of fucking sweatpants without getting its dick caught in a zipper that only they would have on a pair of fucking sweatpants.

But the most unbelievable thing about all of this is that THE NHL WAR ROOM DIDN’T HAVE THAT ANGLE. How the FUCK DOES THE WAR ROOM NOT HAVE THAT ANGLE? As a multi-billion dollar league. As a league that says over and over again that it wants to be taken seriously. As a league that waters down each and every team for the sake of faux parity to get casual fans to watch their Burger-King-toilet-after-a-cocaine-and-soft-cheese binge of a product because anyone who’s anyone knows what a burning orphanage the NHL is. How do you not have that angle?

This is a game with playoff implications for the Avalanche. Granted, the call ended up going for them, but isn’t the whole premise of the NHL that “our playoffs are the best”? And you want to overturn calls that shouldn’t be overturned because the people who make the decisions on that call don’t have the one fucking angle they need, an angle that the broadcasters for the Avalanche—who work out of the backroom of one of the 69,000 dispensaries we have on each and every fucking corner of this state—did? On what fucking planet is that acceptable?

The NHL’s integrity on things off the ice has always been a used condom dangling over a chicken-processing-plant’s open-top dumpster after a long, hard summer rain, so it’s fitting that its on-ice product, which when done right is as fulfilling as cunnilingus on top of an ice cream cake, has begun to reflect that. I hope the next strike never ends.

Fuck the NHL. Eat Arby’s.

The future holds the possibility to be great or terrible, and since it has not yet occurred it remains simultaneously both.

I blame Family Guy

The future holds the possibility to be great or terrible, and since it has not yet occurred it remains simultaneously both.

We make a lot of jokes here about guys listening to radio shows they hate, but what kind of maniac attempts to fashion a career out of writing about a team and sport he hates?

I am not a legal expert, how many times do I have to say it?