Mike: All right, gang, gadder aroun'. I've called dis meetin' to discuss da future of da show. As you know by now, da recent ratin's were up for us, aldough I still tink dere flawed. We gotta be much higher den dat, even.

Rock: Um, I'm just a young producer eager to soak up all the knowledge I can from a true radio god, so Mike, could you explain to a neophyte like me why the ratings are always too low for us? How come they're never flawed in the other direction?

Mike: Well, lots of reasons, but here's one: I know for a fact we're real big wit da Mafia crowd becuz I'm always willin' to stand up for dat much . . . much . . .

Annie: Maligned.

Mike: Tank you. Much-maligned Italian-American social club. Da Mafia guys are big listeners of ours, but dey don't take ratin's in jail, now do dey?

Rock: I have so much to learn!

Mike: No question. Dat bein' said, I would say we're right up dere closer to da top, probably breedin' right down Spike O'Dell's ass.

Annie: Oh, please, I used to work at 'GN and I don't want to even think of breathing anywhere near Spike O'Dell's ass.

Jen: Ewwww . . . GROSS!!!

A voice, heard outside the door in the hallway: Terry, Terry, I tell you, "How Many Bones and Ligaments in the Human Body Can You Name" would make a great Friday Fung segment. Terry . . . Terry . . . don't walk away from me . . . I went to Duke, you know . . .

Mike: Speakin' of asses . . . Anyways, we need to not get . . . get . . .

Annie: Complacent.

Mike: Tank you. Not get com . . . whatever she said . . . and keep dose ratin's up dere an' I need to keep dis $1.7 mil gig. I hafta keep Bee in fine clothes and jewelry and da upkeep on Pappyland is not cheap, ya know!

Fred: What do you mean? What upkeep? Rock and I work our butts off doing all your yardwork, gutter-cleaning, etc. for free.

[Stunned silence and wide-eyed stares from everyone in the room.]

Fred (softly, to himself): (Lord, what have I done now?)

Mike: Hey, I'm in a good mood today. Remember the Steak and BJ segment I useta do? Let's just say, last night da BJ part was more den just a radio bit for me, if ya know what I'm sayin'. Derefore, even dough two seconds ago, I was dis close to namin' Jesse Rogers as da new mornin' update guy . . .

Annie, Rock, and Jen (to themselves): (God help us!)

Mike: . . . I'm goin' to pretend I never heard dat remark from Frederico, da ungrateful, selfish bastard dat he is. Fred . . . FRED!!! OK, you can get up off da floor and stop lickin' my shoes now. An' by da way, didja notice I put a little Marconi giardiniera on dem for extra flavor?

Fred (with head bowed): Yes, yes, I did. A great idea, as, of course, all your ideas are, and very tasty, boss.

Jen: Ewwww . . . GROSS!!!

Fred: Sorry about that interruption. I'll just go back and cower in my corner now and agree with everything you say.

Annie: Hey, wait a minute. Isn't Bee out of town? And you got a BJ last night?

Mike: Your point bein' . . . ?

Jen: Ewwww . . . GROSS!!!

Mike: All right, can we please get back to business here??!!

[TO BE CONTINUED . . .]

You think Rock knows what neophyte is? Other than that, Pappy's Crappy and Larry David deserve a special section on the board for their musings.

That's some funny stuff, fellas.

_________________
"It's not exactly a rocket surgery." D.J.

Rock: Annie's been helping me improve my . . . my . . .

Annie: Vocabulary.

Rock: My vocabulary!