As you are all aware, the glorious New York Yankees have sprinted out the gate with reckless abandon under future Hall of Fame skipper Mr. Joseph Elliot Girardi. A simple mathematical equation dictates that this most glorious of all franchises is on pace to win 107.9 games this season. The rust from Mr. Joseph Paul Torre’s badly positioned ballcap has been shaken off, and the glorious Yankees are certainly poised to close the Cathedral in the Bronx in grand style.

Mr. Mustang Rob, where are you with your version of the terms of our latest wager? Perhaps you are hesitant, noting the sheer genius that I previously exhibited in selecting the formerly legendary, now glorious, New York Football Giants to prevail in the Super Bowl.

Come to the table my friend. Fear is for small schoolgirls and hapless Canadians who abscond with incorrect pieces of luggage. I would make one thing very clear, however. I do not wish to include Blain’s Farm & Fleet as a participating sponsor of any wager we might enter into. Quite frankly, I have perused their website and, despite their fraudulent advertising claims, I have found nothing of value at Farm & Fleet.

As for the Chicago White Sox, I would also invite wagers from any fans of this franchise. Please contact me immediately, prior to your squad’s mathematical elimination from playoff contention.

PLAY BALL!!

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The New York Yankees will never win a World Series ever again.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

You'd have to spot me 20 games.

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Roses,
Where have you been.
I expected to hear more form you when the Gigantes stomped all over perfection. You were too classy in victory.

Since last fall my beloved Red Sox walked away with the ultimate prize, in the process filling me not only with the rare joy of victory but also the smooth joy of agave nectar, I think its only fair to allow you to select the prize of your choosing for this wager.

I'm also flexible as to the terms of the wager. We can leave it as last season (WS championship), or we can modify it to be based on the regular season win total.

BTW,
I was watching your Yankees against the Jays last night.
I know it's early, but they seem to have the swagger back.
If the young pitching continues to develop, they will be a force.

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“Mmmm. Move over, eggs. Bacon just got a new best friend - fudge.”

Agreed. Fuck...

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There are only two examples of infinity: The universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the universe.

roses you wanna explain to me why they got their asses kicked by the rays? and had a tough time in three games against toronto?

Dear Mustang Rob:

I'm sorry I have not responded earlier. The 57th Anniversary of the major league debut of God's Perfect Baseball Player, Mickey Charles Mantle, is approaching on April 17. As you might expect, I have been very busy planning an extremely wonderful celebration at my plush manor. I would love to have you and the family over, but the whole crazy Red Sox thing might taint the anticipated festive mood.

I suggest kicking up our wager a slight notch. I would think a value of $100.00 might be appropriate. As for terms, I see no reason to deviate from last year; to wit:

1.) Should the glorious New York Yankee have the honor of appearing in the World Series as the American League representative, I will prevail in the wager;
2.) Should the nowhere-near-as-glorious Boston Red Sox have the honor of appearing in the World Series as the American League representative, you will prevail in the wager;

I would, however, suggest the following additions:

3.) Through some fluke of nature, should the American League representative come from one of the lesser divisions, the prevailing party in the wager will be the fan of whichever club wins the American League East (a/k/a "The Home of Champions");
4.) I see no need for further contingencies.

Please allow me to demonstrate the terms of a wager through two (2) simple examples:

a.) Team A wins the American League East, but Wildcard Team B takes the American League crown - The fan of Team B wins the wager; OR
b.) The Seattle Mariners make a Faustian deal with the dark lord Satan, giving up their immortal souls in exchange for the American League Championship. At the same time, Team A wins the American League East - The fan of Team A wins the wager.

P.S. Thank you for the kind words regarding the excellent class that I exhibited in the wake of the glorious New York Football Giants' epic Super Bowl victory. The actions of this formerly legendary, now glorious, franchise spoke for themselves. As for me, I am generally modest, and prefer to follow the (possibly apocryphal) words of Vladimir Illyich Lenin, who famously stated: Speak softly, and carry a big pot of borscht.

Your Friend, SR86

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Would this make Steinbrenner's with the satan null and void? I'm afraid he's going to need a ruling on this post-haste.

Should the mighty Orioles win the division both of you will walk down Michigan Avenue in Chet Coppack's speedo

Inflation's a bitch - DONE



Thanks for splainin the terms in a way that even Mike North can follow



You do realize that by quoting the same V.I. Lenin that Tall Midget quotes in his sig line, you just may have caused Keeping Score's existential meltdown?

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“Mmmm. Move over, eggs. Bacon just got a new best friend - fudge.”

You know whats also funny, the Marlins payroll is less than A-Rods and they have a better record than your Yanks

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"Stay out of courtrooms-but if you must go in be Well Armed and Don't compromise. You are innocent, remember that. They are guilty" -- Dr. Gonzo

GET IT DONE DOCTA

Some translations of the Holy Scriptures state that if the Baltimore Orioles win this division in 2008, it is likely that the Lord Jesus Christ will then immediately return to earth to pass judgment upon evil scoundrels like M_C and Keyser Soze. This bet will be the furthest thing from my mind. Incidentally, I predict that heaven will be a combination of the best aspects of Trumbull, Connecticut and Yankee Stadium.

QUINCTILIUS VARUS, GIVE ME BACK MY LEGIONS!

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glad to see you back, stoneroses.

So, SR86.

As the resident Red Sox fan of CSFMB, just wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude to your " glorious New York Yankees ".
It's good to see that Mr. Joseph Elliot Girardi has the boys in pinstripes playing hard against those pesky upstart Rays from the Bay of Tampa.

Ragards
MR

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“Mmmm. Move over, eggs. Bacon just got a new best friend - fudge.”

White Sox still are not eliminated, nor are the Yanks. Care to bet on this stretch run SR, or are you afraid your beloved Yanks cannot and will not pull the Wild Card out of thier ass?

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I too am a Red Sox fan and second this.

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Dear Mr. Mustang Rob:

The glory of the New York Yankees is hardly limited to the confines of the baseball diamond. Nay, their glory extends to mind boggling compassion exhibited toward the mentally ill. Of course, I would not presume to speak for Mr. Joseph Elliot Girardi, but I would assume that he has long felt great compassion for the drooling, mentally ill denizens of the Commonwealth, driven even more insane (if that is even possible) by the prospect of losing this divisional race to the Faustian Tampa Bay Rays (does anyone actually think it is a coincidence that this woeful franchise dropped “Devil” from their name? Perhaps their executives found the name a bit uncomfortable and telling, given the deal that they have obviously struck with the Dark Lord Satan. I do not think that the American public would accept an openly Satanic baseball franchise).

As if this Division were Boston’s to lose. The deed to this finest Division in baseball rests firmly in a safe deposit box in the South Bronx, (along with the papers evidencing the temporary sub-lease agreement negotiated with the Red Sox). The chowder-heads in the Commonwealth remind me of the mentally deranged psychopaths in mental wards (or public school teachers in Quincy) who think of themselves as Napoleon or Jesus. However, rather than almost completely incoherently mumbling “Into thy hands I commend my spirit,” or “Wherever wood can swim, it is there that I am sure to find this flag of England,” these nattering ninnies mumble “Tessie,” or “Big Papi,” or (God forbid) “Yankees suck!”

This admittedly disappointing 2008 Divisional race will not define the glorious New York Yankees. No, my friend, New York Yankee glory is not fleeting. Rather, it is eternal. I go to bed every night knowing that when I tell my son of the glory of the New York Yankees, this will be the same glory that he relates to his son, etc., etc. Years from now, long after we are dead and buried, and the Lord Jesus Christ has returned to this mortal coil to return all of God’s children home, it will be declared by Almighty God that the glorious New York Yankees were baseball. Some brave soul may turn to the Lord and say: “But God, what about the Red Sox' World Series victories in 2004 and 2007?” God will turn to that person (undoubtedly a Southie) and, with his arm around Mickey Charles Mantle, say: “Was it not declared by my beloved Son that the meek shall inherit the earth? He meant occasionally.”

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That's why nobody pays attention to the White Sox.

So does that mean "you're welcome"?

Do we have a bet stoneroses? Or do you lack the faith needed to wager on "God's Team" ??

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SR86,
Your charity onto us drooling masses knows no boundries.
But alas, good Sir, allow me to enjoy this season, since the near future looks bleak for us members of the Red Sox nation, as your new look Yankees will surely begin the defense of their new cathedral with a more formidable lineup led by the pinstripe streaching CC, and the powerful Texiera sucking up anything hit to the right side of the infield.

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“Mmmm. Move over, eggs. Bacon just got a new best friend - fudge.”

Dear Mr. Frank Coztanza:

Let me see if I understand this correctly.

I proposed a wager on April 4, 2008, at a time when both the glorious New York Yankees and the Chicago White Sox had two (2) victories.

Apparently after giving it a small amount of thought, you have responded to me five (5) months later, at a time when the win totals are as follows:

Glorious New York Yankees: 75 (139 games played)
Chicago White Sox: 78 (139 games played)

Given the above, you dare speak to me about "lack of faith?"

Ah well, I am a man of some means, and wagering on the glorious New York Yankees provides me with some small measure of entertainment. What do you propose, sir?



Do not be too hard on yourself. If I recall correctly, you are not a former citizen of the Commonwealth. Therefore, I would not presume to identify you as "drooling." Insane? Perhaps. Geographically misguided? Certainly. Not, however, "drooling."

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All you said, sir, was to contact you, and I quote-- "prior to your squad’s mathematical elimination from playoff contention."

My squad clearly is not eliminated. So this proposal is well within the time guidelines which you yourself set. If you wish to back down from these terms...

My bet are the White Sox make the postseason, and the "glorious" Yankees do not. Terms I will leave up to you.

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You have indeed quoted me accurately, albeit only partially. Unfortunately, the part of my prior proposal that you so cleverly omitted was really the key to unlocking the entire meaning of same. Here is what I said – exactly (on April 4, 2008): “As for the Chicago White Sox, I would also invite wagers from any fans of this franchise. Please contact me immediately, prior to your squad’s mathematical elimination from playoff contention.” “Prior to your squad’s mathematical elimination from playoff contention” was merely a gratuitous dig at the White Sox. As I am not Nostradamus, I certainly could not have known when, or if, the White Sox would be mathematically eliminated. Further, the use of the comma after "immediately" is vital here. I would concede that I would be morally obligated to accept your wager if I had said: "Please contact me immediately (note the lack of the comma) prior to your squad’s mathematical elimination from playoff contention." However, please contrast the preceding sentence with the following: "Please contact me immediately, (pause, gather your thoughts) prior to your squad’s mathematical elimination from playoff contention." Finally, it would not make much sense for me to ask you to contact me immediately prior to your club's elimination. If your club was about to be eliminated, why would I ask you to make a wager? I would have to be insane to do that, or really think that you are foolish.

I suppose “Immediately” may, in certain portions of the world (perhaps Denmark, the happiest country on earth), be considered to represent a time period stretching as far out as five (5) months. For example, a man in Aalborg might say to a light bulb salesman: “Hey, I really need those light bulbs immediately.” The salesman may say: “Okay, you will have them in five (5) months.” You see, in the United States of America, one would probably say: “What are you talking about, jerky?!? Do you not understand English? I quite clearly said immediately, most commonly meaning very soon!” However, based upon the fantastic Capitalistic economy in Denmark, the happy man in Aalborg might say: “Great, Sven! Only five (5) months? Gosh, it is great to be a happy Dane!”

As I have stated previously, this 2008 campaign has been a disappointing one for the Glorious Ones. I have, at present, very few illusions that a Playoff run is imminent. However, I have fewer illusions about the confidence that you have placed in your club, and the courage of your convictions, in that you have accepted a “Making the Playoffs” bet five (5) months after it was proposed, when my favorite club is essentially out of it, your team is in first place, and there are approximately twenty (20) games remaining in the season.

However, I am in a good mood because of the Beloved New York Football Giants’ thrashing of a really strong Redskins club. Further, you seem like a likeable fellow. Thereby, please accept this as my formal representation to you that I hereby accept your wager, for the pure sport of it. Let us say $50.00.

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Fixed.

Stoneroses86 is my favorite new old poster. Even though I hate with every fiber of my being any sports team from New York, including the Liberty. I get the funny feeling he may be a mult, but even if he is, I love him as only one man can love another man in a completely platonic sense, platonic meaning my wife knows nothing about it.

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Ба́бушка гада́ла, да на́двое сказа́ла—то ли до́ждик, то ли снег, то ли бу́дет, то ли нет.

Strong in the HGH sense? Certainly not football strong...



2 Wrong sentances do not make a right...

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Ба́бушка гада́ла, да на́двое сказа́ла—то ли до́ждик, то ли снег, то ли бу́дет, то ли нет.

Thank you very much for your kind words. Your post, however, was disturbing to me on no fewer than six levels.

By the way, I am not a mutt, and what is The Liberty?

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Forty (40) years ago, on September 20, 1968, Mickey Charles Mantle struck his 536th, and final, Home Run, a herculean shot against Boston's Jim Lonborg. Of course, like most pitchers, Jim Lonborg struggled against God's Perfect Baseball Player, giving up 13 hits to Mickey Charles Mantle in 32 official at bats; a stellar .406 average. Of course, this average would have been far higher if God's Perfect Baseball Player had any knees left at the time that he faced Jim Lonborg from 1965 to 1968. Ah well, in honor of this momentous day, I thought you all might enjoy a video displaying the Glory that was Mickey Charles Mantle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvAHj9MHa4c

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