Friday Sept. 19 2008

Arrogant and drinky Cardinal manager and animal activist Tony LaRussa has urged Cub management to consider neutering no hit pitcher Carlos Zambrano who flew into a rage after giving up a big first inning that included a grand slam by little Adam Kennedy,boy infielder.

"It's nothing personal,"LaRussa said shortly after he watched his team act interested for the first time in a month. "It might calm him down, make him less anxious to roam and make his world and the world of those around him more stable. As I said,it's not personal. Bob Barker and I were thinking of suggesting the same thing to (Cardinals broadcaster) Mike Shannon."

Chicago decided they would rather clinch the National League Central crown over the weekend and so Friday's game served as a dream sequence to Cardinal fans who were able to fantacize what it would be like if they could play like it didn't matter.

"Oh wait,we've been doing that anyway,"smiled Adam Wainwright.

Most of the Cardinals planned to spend the weekend preparing for off season hunting trips,avoiding intersections traveled by LaRussa and making sure they were on Luis Pujols Christmas card list.

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Harlem Nights Players Comedy Group,Elmwood Park
http://community.webtv.net/HarlemNights ... RLEMNIGHTS

As Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson said long before he became a big movie star in Hollywood when he was in the WWE, "Know your role and shut your mouth!" That's what I'd tell Tony LaRussa about "neutering" Carlos Zambrano, even after his miserable start today against his Cardinals! It's not happening, and neither is postseason play in St. Louis this season!

Tony should worry about finding a driver for him and his team on the way to the hotel.

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Dude, that article screams "The Onion"...chill out...