Man some days...

Went out to mow the yard. Got our riding mower out and it wouldnt start. So take battery out and go to the store and get a new one. Get it hooked up and nothing. So I check all the connections thinking maybe it was a fuse or something like that. Everything looked good. So I take battery back to the store and ask them to test it as I think there maybe an issue with it. It tests bad and they get me a new one. That MFer does the exact same thing. Bring it back and tell the guy look, you better check the next one here in the store. I am not doing this a third time. He upgrades me to a better battery for the same price and tests it to make sure it is good. So I get it hooked up and finally start mowing. In the middle of mowing I throw a rock through a panel of glass in our front door and shatter the son of a bitch.

I think I should have stayed in bed.

_________________
"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

Holy shit so sorry Ralph. That’s a rough start to spring clean up.

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami

Ralph, go back out. This time to the liquor and buy at least twice the amount it will take to get drunk. Then indulge away. You earned it

_________________
Hawaii (fuck) You

You should not give people advice.

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Rubbed up against a van while turning at an intersection.

He was parked illegally and it was a tight fit due to the car stopped at the light on the street I was turning into.

Dud e made it to be my fault and took my insurance. Fuck him.

Anybody ever had this happen where u were "at fault" for damaging a car that was parked illegally?

_________________

Sewer backed up into the basement last night at 5pm. Got a local company out and the guy was great and helped us out. He didn’t get out of here until almost 8:30. Apparently tree roots. He mentioned that he thought he’d been here before to do the job and might want to get the history from the office so we can do preventive maintenance moving forward. This is the third time we’ve had to call these guys for three different pipes. This house has been one issue after another. Had to pay time and a half because it was after hours. Ugh…. Thankful for the service but not how I wanted to start the weekend. I just finished mopping down there. Glad a caught it when I did and I go to the basement pretty regularly.

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami

Move.


Duh!

at this point after we get the remaining new windows installed tomorrow the house is almost new so we will probably stick it out. This spring has really given us pause about staying in WI though. If I could find a job I could do remotely I think we’d seriously consider moving south for a few months between Jan and April. I don’t usually expect much from the spring but this one has been particularly crummy. Can’t beat Late spring to early fall here

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Flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami

Go to your computer and type up a Word doc that just says "this is MAGA territory, stay out b.itch" in 60 size font. Print and wrap the paper around the rock you threw.

File a police report about the window and hand over the rock as evidence. Send a DM to the most liberal podcasters and local journalists you can find on Twitter and include pics of the police report and rock. Make sure your profile pic has been modified to add more melanin before you send those DMs. Also add a note about facing racial discrimination at the battery store when they purposely sold you defective batteries and kept the good ones for the whites.

You'll be rich and famous in no time.

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Successful calls:

Kyrie Irving will never win anything as a team's alpha: check
T.rubisky is a bust: check
Ben Simmons is a liability: check
The Fields Cult is dumb: double check

2013 CSFMB ROY

What the fuck is wrong with you?

_________________
Lay off that whiskey and let that cocaine be.

Insufficient protein in his diet.

_________________
Hawaii (fuck) You

Why does my wife insist on leaving 30 minutes early to go to a middle school band concert? The school is less than 10 minutes from our house. She says "we want to get a good parking spot." Who cares how far we have to walk? We've gone to these before- it's not like you're seeing a concert at the New Midwest Amphitheatre or whatever it's called. There's plenty of parking. And they never start on time. Can't wait to see who the special guest is. Obviously, I'm gonna go and do everything I am supposed to do as a father but I thought I'd come here and bitch about it a little bit.

_________________
Lay off that whiskey and let that cocaine be.

ANY school shit that wasn't sports, I broke into a rash. I'd be sitting there for some music, science fair, or play shit wondering if I rather be there or somewhere else getting waterboarded.

She might want to talk to people or get a seat with friends.

_________________

Our daughter arrived right before the ballet recital started on Sunday.

Poor video quality ensued.

She needs lessons from your wife.

_________________

Smokers who hold their stinky cigg at arms length away from their table and then it is essentially in my face or at my table.

If that cigg is so fucking awesome and delicious hold it right under your own fucking nose.

Waaahh

What kind of town still lets people smoke indoors?

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

Smoking Section In Person Report

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we were restocking at the office

I asked for english breakfast tea PODS. I was very emphatic that I preferred the pods.

the person ordering purchased bags...240 of them.

so now I'm stuck with close to a year's supply of something that I didn't want. I really hope someone else takes up a serious tea habit and we can get through this thing quickly. If I bitch too much I'll look like Mommy Dearest complaining about wire hangers but I'm vexed.

_________________
O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Maybe the bags should just go missing in a few weeks.

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Why not return them, why keep something you don't want?

_________________
2018
#ExtendLafleur
10 More Wins

that would go against my peculiarities further up the hierarchy

_________________
O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

How about stop being a homo and drink some coffee?

_________________

I thought Dolphin was the HMFIC of that place, start throwing your weight around. Don't tolerate such things.
Dolphin has lost his pimp hand at home and at the office, what the hell!!!!

_________________
2018
#ExtendLafleur
10 More Wins

And here I thought you were a big time operator.

_________________
"Play until it hurts, then play until it hurts to not play."
http://soundcloud.com/darkside124 HOF 2013, MM Champion 2014

Ha, dolphin got teabagged. Weak pimp hand.

_________________

_________________
"He is a loathsome, offensive brute
--yet I can't look away."

My cousin's kid just invited me to her wedding. I am not close with this cousin and see her maybe once a year. She's roughly 10 years older than me so we were always at different stages of life as we were growing up and never really interacted. This girl getting married- I don't think I've ever had a conversation with her and doubt I would recognize her in a crowd. This wedding is a formal, destination wedding on the East coast. The invite kinda feels like a money grab to me since no one expects us to attend. Hell, my wife got invited to the shower which is also on the East coast. We're RSVPing no to both of these. I don't want to send gifts but my wife probably will.

_________________
Lay off that whiskey and let that cocaine be.