As many of you know by now, FOX's #1 show will be noticeably different when it returns to the schedule in January. "American Idol" won't have Paula Abdul sandwiched in between Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson & Kara DioGuardi at the judges' table. Paula decided to leave "Idol" when FOX & Fremantle Media wouldn't raise her salary, but gave Simon & host Ryan Seacrest quite a pay hike. While many behind the scenes are happy to see Paula and her bizarre behavior in recent years off the show completely, the hiring of her replacement is absolutely puzzling.

Yesterday, Ellen DeGeneres announced on her own talk show that she'll be joining Simon, Randy, Kara and Ryan when "Idol" returns for its new season. Terms of her deal weren't disclosed, but Ellen will join the show officially when the latest singing wannabes in Hollywood. Guest judges such as Shania Twain, Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham, Joe Jonas, Mary J. Blige & Katy Perry will be among those sitting in with Simon, Randy & Kara during the audition process in Chicago, Boston, Atlanta, Orlando, Dallas & Los Angeles. As for Ellen, she says she's never missed an episode, but what does she really know about judging singing talent? I don't get it...

Nobody's prostate is enjoying Ellen Degeneres.

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I don't remember half the time if I'm hiding or I'm lost

On every other night, Portia Derossi's is... Hey now.

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Charlie: Oh shit. Look at that door dude. See that door right there? That door marked 'Pirate'? You think a pirate lives in there?
Dennis: I see a door marked 'Private.'

Not even her own.

American Idol officially jumped the shark.

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Ellen hosts an outdoor show in Chicago. Oprah hosts an outdoor show in Chicago.
Ellen becomes a judge on American Idol. Oprah becomes a judge on The Biggest Loser?

Yes to the first 3, but no to the last one.