I wanted to call in and tell it, probably have posted it before, but would have been timely.

2 Midgets, Al and Jon, decide to spend a weekend in Vegas. Friday night they hit a big jackpot and win $1.3 Million! They decide to go out for lobster dinners, they hit the strip club, make it rain and offer up some money for a couple of the stripers to come back to their room with them.
They get 2 of the hottest strippers to come back to their room. They each pick out a bed, one of them goes to turn out the lights and they each start to have fun with their respective strippers.
Al, while laying in bed with his new friemd keeps hearing Jonny yell "1,2,3...Ugghhh" and this goes on all night!
The next morning they wake up and Al says to Jon, you are a machine! You must have gone all night!
Jon says to AL "How did you get up into the bed?????!!!"

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

An oversized midget lived alone in the country. It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the little man as the ground was hard. His uncle, Nikolai, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The little man wrote a letter to his uncle and described his predicament:

Dear Uncle Nikolai,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just not able to dig up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Sincerely,

Your oversized midget nephew

A few days later he received a letter from his uncle:

Dear my oversized midget nephew,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES crushed under the machine of the establishment.

Truly,

Uncle Nikolai

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the midget's house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any bodies, so they apologized to the midget and left.

That same day the midget received another letter from Nikolai.

Dear my oversized midget nephew,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Truly,

Uncle Nikolai

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You know me like that.

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This recovering alcoholic is down town to pick up his income tax return. He passes by a bar and turns to go inside. He stops and thinks to himself "If I go in here and get drunk, my wife will leave me". He makes a promise to himself to only have a couple beers and then leave. Well he goes in and gets wasted. As he sits at the bar, he pukes down the front of his shirt. Immediately he breaks out into tears sobbing "My wife is going to leave me. I'm just a miserable old drunk and now I'm going to die alone". The guy sitting next to him turns and says to the drunk guy "It's not that bad. You can get out of this." The drunk looks at him and asks how in the world is he going to get out of this? The guy says "Take a $5 bill and put it in your shirt pocket. When you get home, tell her you had a couple beers and a guy puked on you.

Tell her that the $5 was given to you to pay for the shirt." The drunk guy looks disbelievingly at him and says "That just might work. You are a saint. Thank you." The drunk guys goes straight home. When he walks through the front door, his wife is waiting for him and she is irate. She takes one look at him and screams "I can't believe it. You're drunk. I warned you but you just don't care. I'm moving out." The drunk says "Stop honey. Let me explain. True I did have a couple beers but I'm not drunk." She says " Look at you... you puked down the front of your shirt." He says "I didn't do this. A drunk guy next to me puked on me. He put a $5 bill in my shirt pocket to pay for the shirt. You can see for yourself" She reaches into his pocket and pulls out some money. She looks at it, then to him and says "This is a $10 bill" He looks at her and says "Oh I forgot. He shit my pants too".

Oh , the guy was a Midget I forgot to mention that.

How do you come up with this stuff, Dr.?

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