- As co-owner of the United Center, Rocky Wirtz cannot allow the Bulls to keep stinking up the joint.
- By interceding on behalf of beleaguered Chicago sports fans, John McDonough feels this will raise awareness of The Brand (the Indian Head, not Elmhurst Steve) and help build positive connections in the crowded Chicago sports market.
- If Garpax is afraid to call a press conference regarding Vinny's firing, fine, the Hawks'll do it. They've spent the last two years holding press conferences to fire people who don't necessarily suck at everything. Jay Blunk called a press conference to announce that Scotty Bowman let one rip after lunch. Sure, only Jesse Rogers was there, but every little bit helps.
- Since his coaching only consists of nebulous prattle about "being aggressive," "working hard," and "getting shots," the Blackhawks mistook him for a hockey analyst who was shirking his duties as an intermission host.
- By assuming firing duties from the Bulls, the Blackhawks will obviate Reinsdorf's Scroogian tendency to fire guys before Christmas and instead "promote" Vinny to Team Ambassador, or perhaps even have him assist Bob Pulford in the Office Of Window-Gazing Operations. This will make all parties involved feel better about themselves for the holiday season.
- The Blackhawks have been secretly nursing a grudge about not being invited to the Mandatory Super Bowl Party.

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Well Done, Curious Hair

You are the most underrated poster since Bagels