.... so help me develop it.

This post is overdue. Some of you have been unimpressed with my weekly columns. So tell me what you think is missing. I've got thick skin. Give me some tips. I've been trained formally and I've been writing for publication since 1975, but I don't pretend to be Red Smith or to have all the answers. How do I make it better?

Keep in mind a couple of things. My editor at the Chicago Tribune, Mike Kellams, wants my column to "sound" like my voice on the radio. He encourages the "Mackeyslang" and conversational tone. And know that writing rules don't apply in column writing. One word sentences and fragments are acceptable.

I am interested in hearing from good dolphin, especially. His is an opinion I respect because I believe him to be well read and objective. However, the man is an attorney and whomever handed a typewriter to a lawyer first should be burning in hell. There was ONE PARAGRAPH in my ESPN contract that including more than nine commas... just shy of 100 words. Punctuation can include the use of the period. Period. Period. Get it? Thanks.

that included. Re-writing is the key to good writing.

A few 'ROFL's 'LOL's or 'SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI's never hurt...

I enjoy your articles because they are believable. I don't waste my time reading articles written only for shock value (Mariotti, Morrissey, Bayless). You could be the Ernest Hemingway of sports writing but if I don't believe what you're writing I'm not going to read it. As long as you keep it real I'll keep reading.

Yeah, well there's a racist painter that posts on here that uses nine commas in a single sentence

In all seriousness, though, Mac - I believe your request for constructive criticism to be a noble one. I guess that I don't really have a suggestion, as I don't feel that I, myself am qualified. Besides, the above statement is about as warm and fuzzy as I get, so I'll just let my fellow board members stroke your ego a bit more (or rip you a new asshole - paging Gloop) or actually give you some sound advice...

I don't have many suggestions really, as my writing skills are just a tad above Ike South's.

All I can say is that if your editor says to write like that, then go with it.

Some of the elitism and gnashing of teeth about writing that goes on around here makes me want to pull my hair out.

Writing is basically just a way to communicate and if it results in accomplishing that goal then the job was done correctly. Just my 2 cents. Oops, fragment.

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-"God is great. Beer is good. And People are crazy!"

Mac,
I enjoyed reading your Carlos Zambrano article. The only advice I can give (to any sports columnist,not just you),don't worry about the witty turn of a phrase. It is better to get to the "meat and potatoes" part of your column. You can always go back and spruce it up with clever asides. I will make your columns a "must read" from now on. (unless it's hockey,sorry)

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favrefan said:"Chris Coghlan isn't gonna pay your rent, Jimmy."

always begin an article with "If I may opine..."

I would add more rhyming and more erotic fiction. Other than that I think it's good.

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You do not talk to me like that! I work too hard to deal with this stuff! I work too hard! I'm an important member of the CSFMB! I drive a Dodge Stratus!

My God, please remove your lips from Mac's ass. Sometimes, I think your writing can be choppy at times, not as fluid as I would like. But, you can't please everyone.

good dolphin is an attorney?

So, every minute he spends here posting "Pictures", somebody is getting billed 275 bucks?

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My Maserati does 186.

Depending on the type of attorney GD is, there may be another kind of photos posted during billing hours. Or is that a PI joke? Dunno.

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Middle Aged Crazy, like Uncle Terry

[i]"I've been trained formally and I've been writing for publication since 1975, but I don't pretend to be Red Smith or to have all the answers."[i/]

If you gave that sentence to a resume/cover letter writer, they'd probably come up with something like:

Despite being formally trained and writing for publication since 1975, I don't pretend to be Red Smith or to have all the answers.

is it an improvement? hell if i know.

As far as too many commas--try the hyphen; or even the semi-colon. And nothing draws a reader's attention like:

a writer's colon.

Probably just listen to ye ol' editor.


According to the San Jose Sharks goalie, good readers make good writers. i.e., you are what you eat/read.

People who read a lot of David Foster Wallace (especially his earlier works*) tend to use a lot of
parentheticals and footnotes.


Books dedicated to writing I've purchased, read, enjoyed and return to:

Strunk and White, 'the Elements of Style'

Patricia O'Conner 'Woe is I'

Some great books by surprisingly readable writers to keep next to the throne:

'The Groucho Letters' -Marx

'The World As I See It' or 'Ideas and Opinions' -Einstein

A Norton Reader Anthology is a great resource for various styles of writing and always chock-full
of good reading. I think it's updated annually but the content from year to year is about 75% the same.

The Most Of S.J. Perelman ( Steve Martin edition)

Edmund Wilson and George Jean Nathan (Summit City boy), if you can find the latter's books.

More modern writers to read: Thomas Sowell and, of course, P.J. O'Rourke.

O'Rourke's seminal 1986 essay "How To Drive Fast on Drugs While Getting Your Wing-Wang Squeezed and Not Spill Your Drink":

"When it comes to taking chances, some people like to play poker or shoot dice; other people prefer to parachute-jump, go rhino hunting, or climb ice floes, while still others engage in crime or marriage. But I like to get drunk and drive like a fool. Name me, if you can, a better feeling than the one you get when you're half a bottle of Chivas in the bag with a gram of coke up your nose and a teenage lovely pulling off her tube top in the next seat over while you're going a hundred miles an hour down a suburban side street. You'd have to watch the entire Mexican air force crash-land in a liquid petroleum gas storage facility to match this kind of thrill. If you ever have much more fun than that, you'll die of pure sensory overload, I'm here to tell you. "

the rest is here:

http://www.heretical.com/miscella/reptile.html

and in various editions of his collected writings.

*What?

Btw and not to high-jack this thread (maybe this post can be moved to B&B's forum), but isn't Terry Boers a writer by trade, and is he really working on a book? Any links to any of Terry's writings?

Wait...did you just ask for a post of yours to be moved...in the same post?

How about just putting it in the right place to begin with?

w/r/t Shakepeare, I'd guess it's the prose portions of his plays you're actually advocating. fwiw.
Shakespeare mostly wrote in verse and only resorted to prose for comedic effect or to represent the speech of the common man. tho in later plays he expands the use of prose to indicate madness or deception (esp in Hamlet).

When/if it happens, be sure to post a thank you. It's not easy getting a punch in the face nowadays.

Your writing "sounds" like you......Your editor should be well pleased.
If I want sociology I can always read Slezak or Telander....if I need to get to sleep, there is Morrissey.
Your stuff is conversational....Kind of asks for a response....
The "Regular Guy" Style would make Bill Gleason or David Condon proud.

I get two papers delivered....if I want waxing prose, I can read the Op-Ed page of the N.Y.T.

Your readers want something here in Hooterville that they can either agree with or totally hate quickly and without ANY time to reflect either way.

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There goes one over the fence..Tru Link Fence..Beauty, Privacy Security....Call Tru Link.
Murph's Union 76 Truck Stop....A great Thanksgiving Tradition!!!!

WOO LIFE!!!!

Mac you are the fuckin voice of everyman! So do it! If you think Reinsdorf is a hypocritcal ass for not spending money on the Sox because they don't draw and doesn't spend money on the Bulls because they do draw let him have it. The same with 2005 just because you work for the flag ship of the Sox bite em in the ass.Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind

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I'm going to bounce from the spot for awhile but I will be back at some point to argue with you about this hoops stuff again. Playoffs have been great this season. See ya up the road.

I'm out.

Alright, since you asked, I read through the Zambrano column.

You're making a point of Zambrano versus Lilly. The guy's compliant when hurt, walked 36, (Zambrano walks 78) and there's a note about Z's wins costing 9M each, and Lilly's .230 average.

1. You're not making a point. If Lilly's compliant when hurt, are you infering Z isn't? Say it directly. If
Z's wins cost 9M each; what did Lilly's wins cost? What's Z's average? If you're going to compare
Ted Lilly to Carlos, give me a takeaway. Beginning, middle, end. Straight line of reasoning.
Statistics that are comparable. You might as well told me about Lilly, then said Carlos wears red
underwear.
a. More interesting stuff: what do you expect of Lilly? Innings pitched, games won, averages,
number of walks. Same as Carlos, or is it more like, "team carried on Carlos' back?"
b. The new regiment sounds good but you're of the opinion that Carlos will loose it, as he's done
before (say that!) THEN putting your estimated day of crackage is reasonable.

2. The Greg Maddux comment will make more sense/not be a throwaway thought with the previous
to set it up.

3. "And the pressure is on Zambrano now more than ever. The staff is missing it..."

You're blending two paragraphs together, and I'd prefer setting up that the rest of the team
sucks separately, and then put the fact that Carlos is needed for more team-carrying on his back.
How?

"And the pressure is on Zambrano now more than ever. To wit: (Or 'I Offer' or something that
more fits your speech patterns)

The staff is missing... (and the rest of the para backs up what the staff is missing)

Which goes on for a few paras

And then you say, "So the expectation for Carlos to carry the team is here, possibly more than
ever. But, if he's not compliant when hurt (rattle your comparisons with Lilly here,
after all you were trying to present him as the counterpoint, right?)

Close the column and call it a day.

But even then, consider that no matter what Lilly's stats were, there's injury time to compare, innings pitched per game (who is a strain on the bullpen?) Carlos' behavior patterns allowing more injuries to occur, and for longer... etc., etc.

My thoughts about "writing like you speak": You speak (and I listen) at a certain pace; but I read at a completely different pace. I can be more meticulous. I can say, "yeah, but, where's the progression of these stats into a point", where, when listening I'd say, uh-huh, uh-huh and fill in (or forget) the gaps in what you're saying.

Ultimately your editor is not helping: if he secretly wants a radio station, then he can have a Dan McNeil presenting facts and opinions at your normal pace. But the Chicago Tribune isn't a radio station, its a paper, and its meant to be read at a 'reading pace.' Which means arguments and supporting evidence. Instead of reading like a scatterbrain wrote it.

[A mean SOB would add, 'well, that's all the logic a radio host can muster -- you want cogent thoughts, go read a Rick Morissey (or pick your columnist -- I no longer know who works where.)']

WTF, Dan, if they wanted you to sound like you, and the inference is, to speak/present ideas and arguments at your speaking pace, then why not put you on WGN or CLTV? Opinions at a speakers' pace. Because, otherwise, it's a setup: make the radio host look dumb.

There, that's about $0.25 effort for you...

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Middle Aged Crazy, like Uncle Terry

Danny Mac writes for the Trib?

I would suggest voicing your opinion moreso than statistical analysis over bullshit topics, and hit those textually who need a bitch slap or two.


KING- If you need some pointers.............

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The simplest and best advice I ever received was to always outline first. I was a sophomore in college and had always had a great amount of success writing papers, but the prof who told me this made a lot of valid points and it really helped me evolve. I could just start writing and let the words and ideas flow until the end, but they were not as efficient and effective as they could have been. It helped things flow more evenly as well as making sure I matched point and counter point evenly. It also ensured that the paper took the initial direction I wanted it to preventing any tangents.

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That's my purse! I don't know you!

if the goal is to have readers hear your radio voice as they read it, try eliminating any sports opinions that factually based and pollack in some grilling tips and bad music name droppings from the seventies

SO have you been the guy throwing the Trib on my driveway the last couple days Mackey? Funny how I didn't order it and now my Sun -times is gone the Trib appears or the paper boy is on Meth again .

Sounds like I missed a great time last night as Mac and Stu filled me in . I'll be at the tailgate on the 26th of June . Party at Mac's pool afterwards.

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"You can't put a bounty on a man's head"!

The thought of you in a bathing suit is turning me on.

All about Cliff and his notes

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"That's what the internet is for. Slandering others anonymously." Banky
“Been that way since one monkey looked at the sun and told the other monkey ‘He said for you to give me your fuckin’ share.’”

Nothing like seeing me in a marble sack with that babies arm tucked to the side Spaulding. Im catching up to Mackey on the fitness side as Im nearing that 34 waist thanks to the SGT.Hulka trainer I hired. I thought my wife was a bitch to live with but this guy takes the cake. "You pussy", has been muttered by this guy more times than my high school football coach.

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"You can't put a bounty on a man's head"!

For me, the mark of a great writer is not how knowledgeable he is, or how tightly structured his arguments and opinions are; it's how well he engages the reader. As a result, I listen but don't read, cause I usually don't find your topics/columns to be engaging.

Gladwell can write about 4th grade basketball teams playing full court press, and Simmons about Rocky IX, and I'll read because their style pulls me in every time.

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“Mmmm. Move over, eggs. Bacon just got a new best friend - fudge.”

I don't see the need for any changes. The column reads like you writing on a subject, which I would think is better than trying to write in a certain style.

It's a good read.

I've already written my opinion (probably a year ago). You have seen it and responded.

This is going to sound like my parents and high school teachers but, you don't aspire to be great with your work. You are happy with the B when you have the time and ability to shoot for the A. Honestly, how long do you take to think about your topic? How long do you take to write it? I know it is a side job, but you have a week to do your work.

I have written it here before but the great columnist has a topic that he makes relevant, thought provoking and eternal. Your topics and writing have a shelf life of a day.

You hold Mariotti out as the standard. He was a wordsmith at best. He put together pretty sentences that had no meaning beyond the moment. His work is like a wedding cake, full of decoration but containing no nourishment. I hold Telander as closer to the standard, although his work is like oatmeal, full of nourishment but lacking any flavor (it was not always this way).

I'd love if you took a topic that you absolutely cared about and just had at it. Research it, write it, craft that column like it was your masterpiece.

Remember that Dante Love column we were discussing on here a couple of years ago? There's a topic that could have been made relevant today (as it was approaching the draft) and forever as he returned to the life of being just another of us guys.

What about the shrinking participation of African Americans in baseball, a school system that sends kids to tournaments around the country but spends no money on their education, the infiltration of religion into sports, the life of an athlete at a non glamorous program (Loyola U has a guy from Munster on their roster), the life of an athelete at one of the military academies, where the hell are all those great players from Landon Cox's King teams today, the decline of the East St. Louis football factory of the 80s-90s (their is a wealth of socioeconomic material in that story), the role of street agents in recruiting (and their "surrogate fathership" of players) and why aren't their street agents for the many wealthy suburban players who get scholarships.

There is a wealth of bigger picture stories out there. Get outraged at life because there is plenty to be outraged about. Write about truth and truths.

I know you have a hot wife, a son you have to take care of, a radio show that you pour your heart and soul into and probably many other things drawing your attention. You also have editors who are perfectly happy with your product and wealth beyond your wildest imagination.

Take the next article you are writing and asky why? Why do you care about what you have written...and then write about that.

Above everything else, I should not talk as I can get lazy with my output. I am good at pointing out other's faults as I sit here hypocritically with the exact same problems....but you asked.

And this post is only related to the column. I think you know I hold your broadcasting work in high esteem.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.