I have this vision. A group of 1st graders together back stage, while a clean cut guy with slicked back hair comes back equipped with a cup of coffee, a clipboard, and a pair of sunglasses nestled on the tip of his nose. He's looking at his children, and he's giving them a pat on the back because they're about to deliver the best rendition of "The Wizard Of Oz" he's ever seen. He has two Scarecrows, and because they didn't have enough girls, Dorothy is a boy that's renamed Daniel. He's very proud of his group of elementary kids, with their upper lips caked in chocolate milk, obsession with playing with their hands, and absolutely no idea what they just pulled off on stage.
That sums up the quality of what Michael Bay brings to remakes. Each ones becomes less important and endearing than the last. I thought that "Friday the 13th" was bland; this takes blandness to a new level. In fact, it's so bland it has a taste. And it's awful. There is absolutely NO reason to see this movie. I mean, I guess on a level of "How does the new Freddie look?" It's kind of like if you made a remake of a bad video game. Would you play it just to see if the graphics were better?
Not that the original "Nightmare" was bad. But if you're going to remake something, bring something new to it. The only thing they changed was that Freddie is now just a pervert instead of an actual murderer. There was no purpose in this change; it gives no credence to the theme, which is empty anyway.
There's no fun in this movie. There was always something a bit fun about Freddie in the original "Nightmare" series. This Freddie is a boring monster. He has no personality whatsoever.
some of the performances are nice, but they're laid to waste. Jackie Earl Haley (Freddie) is a talented actor. I'm sure he loved getting the part, because he got to play a legend in cinema. But he got the short end of the stick because the script gives him nothing to work with.
There are times when you'll jump. Loud noises and orchestra hits will do that to you. But it won't be because you're scared. Nothing about this movie is scary at all. I didn't really care what happened to any of the characters, and neither did the filmmakers.
Above all, neither did Michael Bay. I'd love to hear a commentary track from him on his remakes. What was his motivation for this? What drove the creative process? Could he sit there and justify that the sole purpose of this was to make money for the entire duration of the film? Look, every movie that's green lit is done so because the producers and filmmakers believe it's profitable. When you have a franchise, it's an easy switch. But when it comes to remakes, it's a loaded thing. You already know the name will sell itself. So why not give the movie some personality?
At least Zombie did that with "Halloween".
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I remember that Koz once aired "Nightmare" in his "Koz Zone" late one Friday night when he came back to FOX32 about 3 years after "Son of Svengoolie" was cancelled.
