rogers park bryan wrote:
Goff, Drinky, Laurence, and Rongey sitting in the Score office bitching about Airtime
Jim Rome walks in....
Rome: Let me have your attention for a moment! So you're talking about what? You're talking about...(puts out his cigarette)...bitching about that air shift you shot, some son of a bitch trolling you on Twitter, somebody that doesn't want what you're selling, some broad you're trying to screw and so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are they all here?
Bernstein: All but one.
Rome: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important! (to GOFF) Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for HOSTS only. (GOFF scoffs) Do you think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Mitch and CBS. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Goff?
Goff: Yeah.
Rome: You call yourself a host, you son of a bitch?
Laurence: I don't have to listen to this shit.
Rome: You certainly don't pal. 'Cause the good news is -- you're fired. The bad news is you've got, all you got, just one week to regain your jobs, starting today. Starting with today's show. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this months SCORE contest. As you all know, first prize is an overnight air shift. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize's a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. You get the picture? You're laughing now? You got oppurtunity. Mitch and CBS pay you good money. Get your name out there! You can't create buzz with the slot youre given, you can't create shit, you ARE shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!!!
Goff: The shifts are shit. Nobody listens in the middle of the night.
Rome: 'The shifts are shit?.' Fucking shifts are shit? You're shit. I've been in this business twenty years and I BUILT my brand on Scrub Saturday OVernights
Laurence: What do you know?
Rome: FUCK YOU, that's what I know!! You know why, LARRY? 'Cause you took the El to get here tonight, I drove a 250 thousand dollar sports car. That's what I know!! (to Goff) And all you know is "you're wanting." And you can't play in a man's game. You can't bait them. (at a near whisper) And you go home and tell your wife your troubles. (to everyone again) Because only one thing counts in this life! Get them to call the line which we constantly give out ! You hear me, you fucking burritos?
(ROME flips over a blackboard which has two sets of letters on it: ABC, and AIDA.)
Rome: A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-Caller baiting. Always be Caller-Baiting! Always be Caller-Baiting
!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention -- do I have your attention? Interest -- are you interested? I know you are because it's fuck or walk. You close or you hit the bricks! Decision -- have you made your decision for Bernstein?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the meatballs listening; you think they turned it on to hear political banter? Guy doesn't turn us on, unless he wants to be baited. Sitting out there waiting to give you their IRE! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? (to Larry) What's the problem pal? You. Larry.
Laurence: You're such a hero, you're so rich. Why you coming down here and waste your time on a bunch of bums?
(Rome sits and takes off his gold watch)
Rome: You see this watch? You see this watch?
Laurence: Yeah.
Rome: That watch cost more than your car. I made Millions last year. How much you make? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you -- go home and play with your kids!! (to everyone) You wanna work here? BAIT!! (to Drinky) You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this -- how can you take the abuse you get on a shift?! You don't like it -- leave. I can go out there tonight with the audience you got, make myself a huge story over night! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A!! Get mad! You sons of bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to build a brand?
(He pulls something out of his briefcase)
Rome: It takes brass balls to do sports radio.
(He's holding two brass balls on string, over the appropriate "area"--he puts them away after a pause)
Rome: Go and do likewise, gents. The meatball's are out there, you light them up, they're yours. You don't--I have no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those shifts tonight and BAIT, BAIT, it's yours. If not you're going to be shining my shoes. Bunch of losers sitting around in a bar. (in a mocking weak voice) "Oh yeah, I used to be in radio, it's a tough racket."
I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. (to Laurence as he puts on his watch again) And to answer your question, pal: why am I here? I came here because Mitch and CBS asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.
(He stares at Laurence for a sec, and then picking up his briefcase, goes into inner office with Bernstein)
Not bad, kid. If my bat ever breaks, I'm gonna ask to borrow yours.