Do you have a thing for Alan Arkin, Ed Harris or Jack Lemon?

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

I think you are reading this wrong. Goff doesn't mean to offend with this. I'm more offended as a listner at the unfunniness of it than Dan should be as the object.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Goff, Drinky, Laurence, and Rongey sitting in the Score office bitching about Airtime


Jim Rome walks in....



Rome: Let me have your attention for a moment! So you're talking about what? You're talking about...(puts out his cigarette)...bitching about that air shift you shot, some son of a bitch trolling you on Twitter, somebody that doesn't want what you're selling, some broad you're trying to screw and so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are they all here?

Bernstein: All but one.

Rome: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important! (to GOFF) Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for HOSTS only. (GOFF scoffs) Do you think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Mitch and CBS. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Goff?

Goff: Yeah.

Rome: You call yourself a host, you son of a bitch?

Laurence: I don't have to listen to this shit.

Rome: You certainly don't pal. 'Cause the good news is -- you're fired. The bad news is you've got, all you got, just one week to regain your jobs, starting today. Starting with today's show. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this months SCORE contest. As you all know, first prize is an overnight air shift. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize's a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. You get the picture? You're laughing now? You got oppurtunity. Mitch and CBS pay you good money. Get your name out there! You can't create buzz with the slot youre given, you can't create shit, you ARE shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!!!

Goff: The shifts are shit. Nobody listens in the middle of the night.

Rome: 'The shifts are shit?.' Fucking shifts are shit? You're shit. I've been in this business twenty years and I BUILT my brand on Scrub Saturday OVernights

Laurence: What do you know?

Rome: FUCK YOU, that's what I know!! You know why, LARRY? 'Cause you took the El to get here tonight, I drove a 250 thousand dollar sports car. That's what I know!! (to Goff) And all you know is "you're wanting." And you can't play in a man's game. You can't bait them. (at a near whisper) And you go home and tell your wife your troubles. (to everyone again) Because only one thing counts in this life! Get them to call the line which we constantly give out ! You hear me, you fucking burritos?
(ROME flips over a blackboard which has two sets of letters on it: ABC, and AIDA.)

Rome: A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-Caller baiting. Always be Caller-Baiting! Always be Caller-Baiting

!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention -- do I have your attention? Interest -- are you interested? I know you are because it's fuck or walk. You close or you hit the bricks! Decision -- have you made your decision for Bernstein?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the meatballs listening; you think they turned it on to hear political banter? Guy doesn't turn us on, unless he wants to be baited. Sitting out there waiting to give you their IRE! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? (to Larry) What's the problem pal? You. Larry.

Laurence: You're such a hero, you're so rich. Why you coming down here and waste your time on a bunch of bums?
(Rome sits and takes off his gold watch)

Rome: You see this watch? You see this watch?

Laurence: Yeah.

Rome: That watch cost more than your car. I made Millions last year. How much you make? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you -- go home and play with your kids!! (to everyone) You wanna work here? BAIT!! (to Drinky) You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this -- how can you take the abuse you get on a shift?! You don't like it -- leave. I can go out there tonight with the audience you got, make myself a huge story over night! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A!! Get mad! You sons of bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to build a brand?
(He pulls something out of his briefcase)

Rome: It takes brass balls to do sports radio.

(He's holding two brass balls on string, over the appropriate "area"--he puts them away after a pause)

Rome: Go and do likewise, gents. The meatball's are out there, you light them up, they're yours. You don't--I have no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those shifts tonight and BAIT, BAIT, it's yours. If not you're going to be shining my shoes. Bunch of losers sitting around in a bar. (in a mocking weak voice) "Oh yeah, I used to be in radio, it's a tough racket."

I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. (to Laurence as he puts on his watch again) And to answer your question, pal: why am I here? I came here because Mitch and CBS asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and fire your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.
(He stares at Laurence for a sec, and then picking up his briefcase, goes into inner office with Bernstein)

The original play is better without Alec Baldwin's new character dropped in to chew scenery and say "fuck" a lot (even by David Mamet standards).

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Seriously? Cmon, man.


That scene was perfect

I saw it on stage a few years ago. I cannot remember who played the Baldwin character but I think it was Tracy Letts, who is a top stage actor. I don't think anyone can beat Baldwin's deliver of that scene.

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O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Awesome! That's way funnier than anything I've heard on B&b since the Penn State thing broke.

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Don't take it personally.

Awesome. And so true.

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You know me like that.

#stillpissedaboutbeingblocked

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I'm still glad it existed so that you could parody it. The only problem is that the real Leery would say "woooow, Jiiiiiiiiim, you're so right!", but we must stick to form.

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The only thing I can come up with that you would not like about the scene

A) Premature Desperation- The humiliation and stress of the job may have been more potent if it was bulit up instead of Baldwin Splooging it all over the audience's face right off the bat

b) It just didnt need fixing

You know how your true feeling come out when you're drunk and you always have the safety net of saying "It was the booze talking"?

With Goff, it's his true feeling about Dan McNeil with the safety net of "It's just a comedy bit"?

Yeah, that's basically it. It's too much, too soon, dropped into what was already a work of art without it.

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Not bad, kid. If my bat ever breaks, I'm gonna ask to borrow yours.

That's one of the greatest scenes in the history of cinema.

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"Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public." ~ H.L. Mencken

That's probably true. I've often wondered since Goff talks on the B&B show so much, what the hell are his responsibilitys as a producer for B&B. Since he spends the entire show being the 3rd man on the show, why is his producer position even needed?

Mully: Have you seen the latest ratings book? That puts me over the fuckin' top, I want my Cadillac. I don't wanna hear no fuckin' shit and I don't give a shit. The 25-54 demo puts me over the top. You owe me one Cadillac car, bubby.

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Don't take it personally.

Do you all remember the worst example? It was during Friday Fung a few weeks ago (I think the golf one), and Bernstein was reading an email that said "I used to work at a used bookstore, and a mentally disabled guy kept coming in to sell us used golf clubs" - to which Goff said DAAAMAAANEEEL!

That's right, Goff took it to that level, he attacked Mac's disabled son. I have absolutely no use for Goff, but even I was taken aback when I heard that one. I think it's completely fair game to make fun of a media figure for his own demons (especially ones that I suspect are a tad fabricated like Mac's "depression"), but if disabled kids aren't off limits, nothing is.

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I love Terry Boers. I hate Tim Tebow. The fact that the former will die before the latter show what a cruel, unjust world we live in.

You are 100% right. I was put on time out by BF a couple years ago when I made the mistake of leaving myself logged in on this site and my troubled son posted terrible shit about Danny Mac and his son. Some board members stood by me and others did not believe my story. Whatever. Posting about someones kid is wrong. Especially if he or she has issues. Since that happened I have tried hard to not comment on anyones emotional state or any states in general (I hate Nebraska.What a God foesaken wasteland.) But I must say this kids should be off limits for all comments on this site.

Except that's not right. You guys obviously don't know the origin of DaaaaMaaaNeeeel.

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Don't take it personally.

And what a heartwarming story it is.

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You know me like that.

I would hope Mac isn't upset over a "Da-Mah-Neiiiiiil" being dropped, regardless of the time, it's a mood-lightener and fat burner!

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GOB: "My God, what is this feeling?"
Michael: "Could it be love?"
GOB: "I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite. It's... it's like my heart is getting hard."

I'm sure the Mackeyfish is kept abreast of any potential shots taken at him. If Spiegs didn't hear it I'm sure Mac's personal ball washer Finfer will hear it and report back to Mac. But I don't think Goff is harboring any negativity towards Mac. Why would he? Because he brought Spiegel in as his co-host? Goff would be more likely resentful of his own place in the Bernstein universe as producer of a show that takes pride in not preparing for work. I wonder how that looks on a potential CV when applying for another radio gig. Can you list repeating the phrase "DaaaMahneel" in the additional skills section?

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Back off, Warchild. Seriously.

Goff seemed to be Mac ass kisser at start of this morning's show.

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If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

That's cuz he might be gettin' nervous about a Mac retatliation. He's trying to save himself with a "make good". Show some sort of respect and reverence. Nobody falls for it.

Goff is like that. He talks shit and then tries to play it off with a cute smile or laugh.

Goff: So and so is a dumb ass cracker. I'm just kiddin', he's my guy. Not really. (Goff giggle).

Eventually that gets old and people get sick of it.

So you think Finfer informs Mac of those that break bad on him? Could be. Perhaps to clear a path for himself. Finfer's profile at the station has gone up. He's a reguar on weekends as I've mentioned and he got to sub with Mac last week. A spot that was usually reserved for Larry or Goff. Hmmmmmm.

There's no doubt that Finfer left ESPN 1000 cuz he was promised air time at the Score. I'm sure Mac went to Mich to make this happen. That had to be the case.

That's why I try to tell Goff that it's not a good idea to make enemies with Mac. He's got some influence. Spiegs and Finfer are perfect examples.

Mac helps his loyal boys. Bernstein doesn't give a shit about his soldiers.

I think he went to Canada young man.

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Proud member of the white guy grievance committee

It aint the six minutes. Its what happens in those six minutes.

Having a painfully inflated sense of self-importance is apparently a prerequisite for working at the Score. Goff is no exception.

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The Bulls haven't done anything wrong, and they're not going to do anything wrong.

True dat.

I don't remember Goff always being this way. Not this extreme. Not this relentless. Not this mean. I go back to him being named the Score's NBA/Bulls expert. That's when he got a big head.

He became a self-loving, cocky, insuffereable bastard. Now he's confrontational and looking to take on any and everybody for no reason. It's sports talk, Goff. You've gotta calm down and stop thinking you're going into war every day. You really don't have the radio skill or intelligence to go "Full Bernstein". But even Bernstein doesn't constanly look for fights like you. You're up a creek without a paddle when you do it.

Goff's arrogance is writing checks that his broadcasting can't cash.